Don't be snitching about your snatching!

Old people sayings are friggin' funny. Just a few minutes ago, a hundred year old lady five cubicles down said "I was scratching my craw trying to figure that out!" Of course, from 5 cubicles down, the word craw sounded like "crotch" so you can imagine. That is all.

I'm Luvin' It

So I have a McDonalds right down the street from my house. I thought it might be a problem having one so close to me when we first moved to our new house, but save for a few hungover sausage egg biscuit mornings, I think I've taken the kids there once for lunch. Not too bad in over 3 months.

Across the street from my house is also a park. So lot's of people eat their McDonalds on the picnic tables in the park......how nice. But I've noticed something quite strange recently. When I get home from work from my regular 9-5, I can usually see people parked across the street from my house, down the street from Mickey D's, far away from the picnic tables having Big Mac attacks in their cars. One said person usually shows up at the same time everyday, to park, scarf, and drive off.

Could it be, that people get off work, go eat a number 4, and then go home for supper? If this is the case all I can say is....my friend.....you are a fucking God to me.

I thought I was retarded

On the phone at work. On hold for the 5th time. Trying to get a password reset, that was reset yesterday for no good reason. Muzak is playing in my ear, it sounds like a Geisha girl and a Dutch girl should be dancing together to it. I hate the Dutch.....

Toilet Humor

Random, yes, but funny.

I was leaving the men's lavoratory this afternoon at work, and right as I swung open the door someone in one of the toilet stalls ripped a big huge fart. There was a lady walking by at that same moment and she turned and looked towards me with a look of horror. Like I had flung open the door, was wearing a hockey mask and revving a chainsaw.

And that Ladies and Fags, is why farts are hysterical.

KYLIE DAY!!!!!!!

I am so excited for tomorrow, as Kylie X is finally being released in America. Why I'm excited, I don't know, as I've downloaded the whole thing a while back and have listened to it every day since. Oh well, she's showing her love to the Yankees by giving us a US only bonus track...WEEEEEE! HAPPY KYLIE DAY YALLS!

Ahhhh..........Men

Easter Sunday has come and gone. Wasn't anything too special, as I had to work my second job at Blockbuster, and no.....the Ten Commandments staring Charlton Heston was not in stock, but yes......we did have the animated version featuring the voice of Christian Slater. Same strange Dogma, with less aftertaste.

So needless to say, didn't get to make the 2 hr trip up to my folks place to see the fam. Church, egg hunt, ham, chat, drive home to Omaha....didn't happen this year. Obviosly didn't miss the church part, although the last time I was there the pastor introduced himself to me, and I introduced myself..........and my partner Tom. Don't know if it was just me, but I could swear I was glared at from the pulpit durring the sermon. Anyhow, that being said, I look forward to revisiting church. It's not that I want to shove my sexualty down anyone's throat at church, but I can't lie in the house of God either. So a spade is a spade, or in this case, a fag is a fag.

The Roaming Gnome

This is seriously the coolest story I've heard in forever. People are reporting sightings of creepy Gnome who walks around the streets of a town in Argentina in the middle of the night. Here's a link to an actual cell phone video of this mystical creature! http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article902014.ece

HA HA HA! OK, if I was a little person I would be doing this EVERY SINGLE DAY. I would go so far as to say that I might even try to make a living out of it, chasing after people yelling "Where's my gold?!" Scaring groups of children at night, making adolescent boys scream like chicks and sending them to the hospital by scaring them so bad, like the little puss puss in this video. I think it's hysterical.

I'm not laughing at small people. Not that I think most would give a crap if I was, considering anybody can pretty much just laugh back at me all the same. Considering the public's fascination with the smaller folk lately with all the reality shows, Mini Me's, Leprechaun sequels, let alone midget porn, I'd say they have finally been able to find a respectable niche.

Back in the day (don't ask me for a specific day cause I can't remember having read this info quite a while ago, people of wealth and stature used to collect small people to be a part of their entourage as a status symbol. It even got to the point to where when supply could not be met, people found ways of making their own by submerging small children in barrels of gin and depriving them of food.

I don't know where I'm going with this, other than probably further down the P.C. spiral. But please, dont get SHORT, I'm only having a LITTLE fun.

Toot-Toot!