Wednesday, October 20, 2010

To all the kids

Having been a suicidal teenager over guilt with my emerging sexuality, the focus as of late has really brought a lot of shit back. Obviously, not only for me, but for a lot of people. I remember always having a plan to either run away as far as I could or else making a trip to the medicine cabinet in case my parents ever found out. Well they did find out when I was 16 and found a stack of printed out gay porn images that I got from my sister's internet connection earlier that summer. After having to burn them, and a confrontation where I basically told my mom that I would knock her fucking lights out if she didn't get out of my way and let me shut myself up in my room, I set my alarm for 3am so I could decide which one I was going to pursue. The alarm never went off and my Dad woke me up the next morning for school, and nothing was talked about again for the next 3 years. But I knew one thing....watch your fucking step.

Teenage suicide has always been an epidemic of its own, although its ungodly with gay youth. I'm glad that its reached the point where it is as visable now, rather than just burying your kid because he was "too sad". But there are so many misunderstood kids out there, who are not gay, that drive themselves to take this drastic act for the same reason gay kids do. They're different. God forbid any kid can be different without being labeled as something negative.
Growm ups in general, gays included, forget what its really like to have this type of torment. Probably all because we are in a place that we all choose to be at this point. When you're growing up, there is no choice, you're stuck with where you're at. Just like people from 3rd world countries would give a nut to live in a place like Omaha, so do many kids that would like to get out of their torment but have no where to go.

Parents are wrong, religeon is wrong, teachers don't get paid enough to be right, so where the hell does that leave a kid who doesn't fit in? Alone. Are there more resources now than ever before, yes. But when a person can't reach out to a person of youth for fear of being labeled a sexual predator, those resources are as good as a screen name in a chatroom. One your parents can find out about or block all together. Its a sad day for kids when the resouces are there, but they can't be used as they are intended for.

Does it get better, absolutely. But when you're living a 4 year jail sentance that is high school, things can get pretty fucking drastic. If ever there was a time for the "moral majority" to get straight, its now. That is why these kids are dying. Their parents are too busy condemning them without any clue.

Change is in the air, and my fingers are crossed. God bless all the youth that get to this point that are never ever heard about. Happens every day, and its friggin sickening.

1 comment:

Alias Ray Ray said...

This rash of publicized suicides has really thrown me for a loop as well and brought up all kinds of emotional stuff I had no idea was still there. I am still figuring out how I will give back, but I'm glad that I am finally ready to give back, and I realize I should have been doing this since very long ago. Thanks for your thoughtful post.