Wednesday, December 30, 2009

New Years Resolutions

Go back to San Fran for a week.
Work as little as possible.
Dance, a fuckin' lot.
Buy a ibook.
Set up the ultimate bachelor pad.
Cook like a maniac.
Get back into my art.
Read a lot.
Have respect for myself.
Learn how to tell people "NO".
Find a new band/artists to adore.
Sighn up for softball.
Have a handfull of illicit encounters.
Do more comunity work.
Think about re-approaching school.
Learn to be comfortable in my own skin.
Not have a boyfriend.
Sleep comfortably.
Be a sweet boy.
Save a little nest egg.

Can't believe we're onto a new decade already. I think 10 years back and remember being ready to graduate from high school, getting drunk at a NYE party some unkown kid was having. This was the year of the whole Y2K thing and everybody was so anxious to see if the world was going to end because of the computer systems freaking out. Now, by the time it hits midnight in Nebraska, obviously the other parts of the world that are ahead of us ended up being fine. But that didn't stop one of my farm kid friends from messing with the fuse box at midnight shutting off all the lights at this lame ass teenage drinking party. I don't know why I remember that NYE more so than any of the others, I just remember having had a really fun time.

Oh and the really good bitch fight that broke out when this drunk girl kept playing the same Limp Bizkit song over and over again until it freaked the freak out of another drunk bitch.....that was cool.

This year, I'm going solo. Gonna prowl Dc's and see if I can't bag me a roughneck. Wish me luck.

Happy New Year guys.


Well, I took the EX into detox yesterday.

Extremely happy that it's finally happened. Emotionally drained as to how.

For the last two days I've been told that Ex lost his job (he stopped showing up), Ex is committing himself (to a rehab facility that would never be approved by his insurance), Ex has called the Humane Society to come pick up the dog (the dog is now in my apartment), and that I was being barred from the house and the things that I have left in it (landlord will let me in anytime to gather the rest of my belongings).

He never intended to go away, but go away he did. His Parole Officer stopped by the house yesterday, I don't know if someone called or if it was a random check up since he was not at work. Either way, he was intoxicated, which is a no-no for his parole. I got a call at work at about a quarter to 3 asking to come take him in so he wouldn't have to go in a cop car. I left work, not because I was afraid of him being embarassed being cuffed and escorted, but to say good bye.

I took him in, he cried the whole way, I held his hand. He kept on saying please not to leave him, that I was all he had. I didn't shed a tear, I just kept looking forward as we drove. The one time I looked over at him, all I saw was a shell of someone that I used to know, face wet and stubbled. He gave me 20 bucks to get him cigarettes. I walked him in and the police took him away. I turned around and couldn't help but look back once.

Went back to the house, got the dog and some belongings I've been wanting to bring with. I called his family, his brother stopped by. I thought I was going to get beat up for doing something wrong, but we just talked for a while and shook hands before walking out the door. His brother's been in this position, his brother spent a year inside for it.

I'm past the point of blaming myself for things. A fuck up is going to fuck up, there's no way around it. I've got a dog to get rid of and two kids that I don't know I'll see anymore. I feel weak in the fact that I knew this was coming and I didn't leave it all alone when I should have. There were so many special things wrapped in this ridiculous relationship that I somehow couldn't make that decision. I knew if I stuck it out, the decision would be made for me, and it was.

Now's a time for some rest and mourn just a little. And to realize that this is what can happen when you play house with someone else's family.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

It's heeeeeeeeere.

Well, It's here y'alls. Santa's coming tonight, so I guess we'll all be seeing who's been naughty and who's been nice.

After my last little bitch session on here, my Christmas was kind of up in the air, and I was extremely unhappy about it. But, like many times in my life, I have to remind myself that life is what we make it, and there's no reason to get hung up on a damn thing when there are so many fun options for a person to chose. Wallowing in self pitty makes you look like an asshole and alienates you from people.

Decided that I was being too negative and was hanging around too much negativity. Also decided that I was to scrap all Christmas options that I had been GIVEN, and make up my own. I'm an adult, it's time to start some of my own traditions.

BUT! A few things will always remain, mainly:


Chipminks on Vinyl!

A Full Stomach

Adding to the mix this year:

Christmas Eve and Christmas Morning church services: We all have our own beliefs, I count on mine to get me through and keep my ass in line with what I really need to be doing with my life. I'm lucky that I have a really nice church family that doesn't judge me for anything and never makes me feel weird like some church folk can. I have a roost of mother hens there that always make me feel protected, loved and appreciated. Can't imagine not spending time with that "family" this Christmas.

Gremlins: Somehow this movie always escapes me this time of year even though it's very much a Christmas Movie. Plus there's snippets of "It's a Wonderful Life" in it, so you can get the Cliffsnotes version of it that way.

Friends: I've neglected all of my friends as of late due to "being so busy", and letting a few other people or things get in the way. I'm going to reconnect and quit being such a hermit. I miss my friends dearly and am thankfull that they still want anything to do with me with my past behaviors ;-)Plus it helps that the weather pattern here in Omaha is stranding most of us, so there will be more of us around than usual.

Dinner: Planing and Making my own Christmas dinner for the first time ever. I very much want it to be perfect. And as far as your going to know, it's a culinary masterpeice as I'm going to be making it for One, me. I think a little time alone to reflect is in order for this holiday as well, but not too long. I've got people I want to celebrate with.

So anyhow, hope everyone enjoys themselves and finds a peice of the bigger picture in their time with their loved ones.

Love you guys! Merry Christmas

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

It's fucking cold out here......

Friday, November 27, 2009

This happened on Wednesday Night

I was working at my second job on Wednesday night, the night before Thanksgiving, at a gas station that's adjoined to a big supermarket. I was towards the back of the store doing some of the cleaning duties when I heard something kind of weird going on up at the registers where two of the guys I was working with were ringing up customers. I quit paying attention for a few moments and I heard the Manager on duty ask for me to come up and help.

When I got up there, I hopped onto my register and began ringing people through. All the while noticing that the strange noises that I had heard from the back was actually coming from a small, middle aged, black lady who was madly gestering to my manager who was trying to understand her problem. It wasn't too hard to figure out that she was a deaf mute lady.

The customers died down and I was able to go over and assist and try to figure out what the issue was. My manager had a confused look on his face, as did my other co-worker as they were trying to converse with this woman by writing their questions out on paper. She would read the question, "What can we help you with, are you having trouble?" She would only write one word responses, some of them being "yesterday today", "poultry", "pharmacy", "BIG", "mean", "take". She was also gestering as though she was pushing a cart and then all of a sudden the cart was gone. She then wrote "Police". Obviously we had thought that she had got her cart stolen.

While desperately trying to convey something, she was not really articulating anything at all and acted really clueless through out the whole ordeal. She kept trying to convey something else before we could figure out what she was trying to convey just seconds ago. It was basically just going around in a circle after a while. We called over to the store to see if anyone could shed some light on the situation, and everyone was pretty much clueless, that and being the day before Thanksgiving they were completely swamped.

We ended up calling the police to see if an officer could be sent over for assistance and thought maybee they would have an interpretor available to better understand what the issue was. I wrote to the woman that the police were on their way to help and drew a little smiley face on the paper to help assure her that we would get things straightened out. She was not mad or frusterated, she was visibly distraught and very confused. I tried to ease her a little by looking her in the eyes (which I do with no one, way out of my comfort zone) smiling kindly, and acknowledging her.

The police showed up and she went through her motions, written words, and squeeky sorrowfull noises. I felt very empathetic for her, something a rarely reserve for anyone who I do not know. I felt bad that she didn't have anyone with to help her, I felt bad that I thought she was probably a little bit mentally disabled as well, I felt bad that everyone else was getting frusterated with her, etc. etc.

The phone ended up ringing while the police were with her, getting ready to tell her that there was nothing that they could do for her. It was a manager from the store. He had stated that she was in the day before with a cart of food, Thanksgiving items, and was using her EBT assistance card to purchase her food. It turns out that the card was declined, that she had no assistance left until the first of next month. Apparently, he had explained this to her after calling the agency to check on the card and ended up taking her cart away. Obviously she didn't understand what was happening, and I am under the honest assumption that she thought she had paid for her items, and they were taken from her.

It took me quite a while after the situation was over, and both the woman and the cops had left the store, to assess what happened to this woman. I think that she tried for 2 days (yesterday today) to figure out what had happened and got bounced around from person to person in the main store, that she came over to the gas station as a last resort to have someone help her figure out what the fuck happened. All this woman was trying to do was to have a Thanksgiving meal, and not only could no one give her the time of day to make sure she knew why they were taking her cart away, they could not find it within themselves to help find an option to where this woman could have her items. It's a big fucking grocery store, a quarter from each employee could have served a feast.

I asked for my co-worker to ring my up a 10 cent piece of candy and paid for it using my debit card, making sure to hit the cash back option on the card swiper. He asked me, "Are you doing what I think you're doing?" I just said, "yeah" embarassed that I had water in my eyes and didn't want him to hear my voice crack. This situation just made me so sad that it would ever happen and that so many people let it happen before she walked into our store. Why the police had to be called over something so simple. It was just ridiculous and very stupid to me, I was totally angry underneath the true sadness I felt for her. I placed my bills in front of her, not a lot, but enough for a small Thanksgiving meal with hopefully most of the fixings she was wanting. I slid it towards her, looking her in the eyes again while I said "Please take this so you can buy yourself some food." Everyone stood there gawking at me like I was some freak show, even the cops. She signed me "thank you", I winked at her real quick to let her know all was cool turned around and headed toward the bathroom and bawled for a quick minute.

Not trying to be a big baby or to get all mushy or shit, cause I think most of you know that's not how I roll. But I needed to put it out there so I can remember not to be such a douchebag to people when i think I'm too fucking busy or that something's not my job or responsibility. We are all responsible for each other.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

It's begining to look a lot like bitchness...

Email Exchange between me and a couple of work hos this morning. Enjoy.

Hi guys,
I have ran this passed a few of you and wanted to know what you think of this. I am on a really big give back kick this holiday season. What would you think of taking a collection and making a donation in (boss)'s name to Boxer Rescue in Nebraska. He has a boxer.

Let me know. Like I said, I am on this big give back kick this year so just let me know.


First response.....

How about a raise first????? Then I’ll worry about spending money on someone else’s dog in my boss’s name just because he has one of the same breed……then again, maybe not.


THANK YOU! We are in a recession…Why does she keep asking for money?

Just cuz she doesn’t have ppl to buy for doesn’t mean the rest of us don’t. I have a life outside this JOB.


i think i am going to have my own team meeting and have a general discussion regarding this issue. it is not fair for people to keep coming up with these ideas and expecting people to participate. I don’t feel obligated to do this shit and nobody else should either. (Boss) should say something as well because he doesn’t need all this stuff and enough is enough. Donating gifts instead of doing a gift exchange between ourselves is a good idea. But that’s about as far as I can go with this team spirit.


My whole thing is…he gets paid more than all of us…why are we doing stuff on the sly for him…why don’t he buy us something hell.


Ya’ll kno when we have this meeting were gonna look like the bad guy for not wantin to participate.


Well, that may be true. But I come here for a paycheck so I can buy my kids gifts-not a grown ass man. I will not feel bad expressing that at all. If I look like a bad guy than oh well. What are they gonna do? Ban me from the “salad eating committee”?! (note: fat ladies that eat salad every day with the same amount of calories as a Whopper) Not make that jello cake (again, fat lady birthday treats)? Big whoop.


Oh well……if you don’t love me, you better hate me.

Ahhh......I can feel the Christmas Spirt creeping right on up. Gobble gobble gurls.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The Family Portrait

OK, so, back towards the end of October I receive the following email from my Mom that was sent to both me and my older sister who live here in Omaha:

Hey Kids,

Since this year is our 40th wedding anniversary, Dad and I would like to have a family picture taken. As it stands, we are scheduled with Michael's at 2:oo PM on November 21. It will be a casual picture, maybe even out here with a couple of the horses if the weather will cooperate. Jon, I sure hope you can arrange your work schedule for this. Please let me know as soon as possible, because if you cannot arrange it, we won't be doing the picture.

Please let me know as soon as you can if this will work for all of you.

Love you much,


I hate family pictures....with a passion. No, I don't hate pictures of my family, dear reader, I hate family pictures. The kind where some asshole tells you where to position your hands, how to stand, and who to stand by and affectionately position your hands on. I'ts all just retarded.

I think the last time we had a family picture taken, I was young enough that I was starting to grow some grass on the feild, but the hose hadn't been turned on yet. I know that neither of my 2 sisters had been married (or divorced) yet, and I only had one nephew (of which I have 6 neices and nephews now). I know that Mom had the barnyard fantasy of having pictures taken with the farm animals back then as well, but for one reason or another she was either veto'd (I highly doubt) or the weather wasn't good enough. But needless to say, the picture that was taken in the studio had the barn elements of hay bales and wooden fence posts.

My oldest sister Jody was the only one of us who rejected the whole idea of "country western" dress and showed up looking snazzy in a simple sweater ensamble. My other sister Heather looked good wearing something a sensible dark blouse and black jean combo that looked like it could be worn to "The Sugar Shack Saloon" and then to church the next morning, and her 2 year old son looked adorable in overalls. My folks look nice when they get dressed up in their garb of western shirts, jeans and boots, probably because they really enjoy all of that and the comfort they have with it really comes through.......But then there was me.

I looked like the aborted fetus of Garth Brooks. This was the unfortunate time in the 90's when Brooks and Dunn were shaking up the country music industry with their Wild and Crazy Western Shirts!

"Holy shit man! Lookit that shirt! It's got flames on it! That wild and crazy shirt has flames on it!"

"WOAH! A western shirt that looks like the Texas Flag?!?! No Fuggin' way, man!"

Besides that, and the fact that the fricking photographer made me button every button on the shirt all the way up the collar, I was a fat ass little 13 year old that could barely fit into the new (and never worn before or since) western shirt. Well, I had the fat squeezed into your clothes look that Garth Brooks used to rock, so I guess I had that down. It was just horrible, is all I can say, which is why I'm all paranoid about this picture now.

I take a decent enough picture, but when it counts and you're paying someone to take it for you, they never turn out for me. No, I'm not being too critical. Also with the fact that "casual" to me means freeballing in a pair of pajama pants and an undershirt is totally different than what my Mom's version of casual is, it's got me wracking my brain as to what I should wear for this thing. I don't think I'd show up underdressed, but run the risk of trying to look too sharp (i.e. gay as Little Richard at a picnic). I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Plus I love the whole "If you can't make it, we won't be doing the picture" pressure. Believe me, I asked for that day off as soon as I recieved this email to relieve that pressure. Well......guess who got scheduled to work all day long that day, lol!!! I kid you not. So with the day 4 days away and me arguing back and forth with my boss for this, it is turning into a little fiasco. Oh, and my car took a complete shit and our "photoshoot" is 2 1/2 hrs away from here. So :-) wish me luck dear reader!


This was SO me as a teenager, looks and all.

Friday, November 13, 2009


In honor of one of my favorite movies/holidays......just stay out of the woods, or smoke grass, or say “I’ll be right back”, or listen to hair metal from the 80’s, or wear pastels, or tease your hair, or tease your partner, or try to scare your stupid girlfriend by wearing a mask of a serial killer that used to hack up people in this area 20 years ago, or skinny dip, or sit around a camp fire, or forget your sharp instrument somewhere and go back to look for it, or play drinking games, or have dance-a-thons in the living room of the cabin that you’re renting for the weekend in the deserted country, or cheat on your girlfriend, or cheat on your boyfriend, or hook up with your girlfriend’s boyfriend, or be a nerd, or make fun of the nerd, or look on the forest floor for your lost wal-mart ear ring, or say “who’s there?”, or try to shake anyone awake, or take a short cut, or wear a white t-shirt while it’s thunder storming and you want to take a walk.

Ok, I’m done…..If you don’t make it, not my fault.

Alice: The boy... is he dead, too?
Tierney: Who?
Alice: The boy. Jason.
Tierney: Jason?
Alice: In the lake, the one... the one who attacked me... the one who pulled me underneath the water.
Tierney: Ma'am, we didn't find any boy.
Alice: But... then he's still out there.

Crazy Ralph: Doomed! You're all doomed!


Pamela Voorhees: You see, Jason was my son, and today is his birthday...

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Countdown to Kylie: 2 days

And we have lift off......

My adventure starts in a couple of hours as I get on my flight! and I got the Minogue on the brain.....

Please fasten your seat belts
My name is Kylie,
I'll be your purser
The exits are in the front and the rear of the craft

Thank you for flying KM air
We hope had a pleasant flight
Please fly with us again~~~~~~~Light Years

I'm living in a glass box of emotions!

Not since my addiction to No-Doze have I been this excited!



Monday, September 28, 2009

Countdown to Kylie: 3 days

Leaving for San Fran tomorrow night after work, where I no doubtedly will end up eating rice a roni while wearing flowers in my hair. Ok not so much. This weekend was a treacherous wait, although I did find a beacon of light......a leaked set list for the concert.

Don't know if it's real or not, but I'm very happy to see every song I want on for one. One very special song entitled, "Your Disco Needs You!"

This little number is an anthem of sorts, considering it's supposed to sound like an anthem I guess, a national anthem to the gayest place in the universe. And while I'm a little dissapointed to not see it on the list, I'm sort of relieved. You see, my slutty sister JP and I, well, we share this song. My big whore JP and I have choreography to this song. That big ole cum dumpster of a JP and I even sort of know the words that she speaks in French, or Italian, whatever kind you like on your salad. So, I guess I'm happy that it gets to remain at the center of hot dog down a hallway JP's apartment before a night out on the town while pre-drinking. Remember the one time you said you didn't think your disco needed you anymore JP? It's never needed you more........sniff, snot, snort..... :-)

Friday, September 25, 2009

Countdown to Kylie: 6 days

6 more days until one of the biggest events of my entire existance takes place. For those of you that have the absolute honour of knowing me (heh heh), we all know that I'm a little fucking Loney Tunes over this bitch. Never thought she'd tour America, even though she now says she's always wanted to tour the U.S. but has never found an opportunity, she always used to say that she had no interest in bringing her show to the states. Well, even when the tour was announced, I still thought there was no way I'd be able to make any one of the 6 scheduled shows.

Well lo and behold, after a lot of inner turmoil, and the fact that tickets where going so fast that they added more dates, I allowed myself to say "Fuck it kid, make it happen." The closest city she's coming to me is Chicago. Love me some Chi Town, have some friends up there that I haven't seen in forever, but again "Fuck it kid, do it big" says me. So I bought my ticket to the second show of the tour in San Fransisco. Was really gearing towards the very first show of the tour, but obviously that didn't happen. Not too upset about it though, I'd think that if there were going to be any bugs in the performance they would come through and get spotted in the first show anyhow.

in the end, it's all just a concert, but I guess the coolest part about it is that I'm allowing myself to do something like this. Feels like something I'd do in a heartbeat when I was young, dumb, and full of mean 21. I do think that Karma is rewarding me with this. Take it, i can be a really shitty person at times, but for the most part I'm actually not too bad and try my hardest to be there as much as I can for others. So, now that everyone's rolling their eyes at patting myself on the back, I'll wrap it up....

Later Taters!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Janet's Leaking!

I'm totally crapping my britches for the leaked Janet demo (? sounds pretty complete to me) that I heard on the Gay Pimpin with Jonny McGovern show this week. Here's a link to the show, they play the song at about 107:30, give or take.

It's Janet exactly the way I like her. She introduces herself like she often does, "Miss Jackson..." Throws a little giggle in at the beginning, and not since "All for you" has she explicitly left a good 20-30 second stretch about 2/3rds into the song for a good choreographed break down. Classic fuckin' Janet. Trying to hear if she's back in the clear with the Jam/Lewis team since her time with Jarmaine Dupri seems to have expired (about 7 years and 3 albums too late).

I was even able to find some teaser art for the new album....HATE IT. But she can look as whacked out as she wants to as long as she can deliver on the tunes. I miss me some good quality Janet, and while there have been a handfull of songs from her last 3, well 2 of the last 3 albums, I'm hoping for a full disc of loveliness like she used to do.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Company emails

So, there's an administrator at the large office in which I work, that lives to send massive emails out to everyone in the company. Just nice little informationals or reminders. Well, this is what was sent out today:

Someone left a large tube of Triple Antibiotic Ointment in the Upper Level Men Restroom. Please come and claim this as soon as possible.

Thank you.

One after one, you could hear the snickers, the repulsive gagging, and the whoops and hollers from up and down the endless rows of cubicles. Most of the time this guy's lost and found emails include earings, gloves, or even at one point in time, a pen. Go figure, in an office.

Well, about 15 minutes later, I receive another email. This time from a guy I know that works down the hall, but rarely talk to other than a quick "howdy" as we pass each other in the hall (and no, we really don't say Howdy".

Someone left a large tube of Cock Lube in the Upper Level Men Restroom. Please come and claim this as soon as possible.

Thank you.


Come to find out, there's a bunch of employees that poke fun at every one of these emails this way. And now I know about it, which really only means that I now have another reason to get shitcanned if I ever get caught distributing these kinds of emails. I can't help it though. Here's one more for good measure:


The Fire Alarm is being taken out this afternoon to cut on cost.

And since we have crappy life insurance we don’t care if you all

burn up. In event that the Alarm sounds, please disregard and

stay in your death trap of a cube. You will not be advised if an

actual emergency condition exists.

And ehre I thought everyone who worked here was dead behind the eyes. There's life out there after all!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

You might not know.....

Going through the break up/move out process, there's a shit ton of self reflection going on. Hey, it's a major change of life. Perspectives rarely show themselves as blatantly to me as they are right now, so I'm trying to understand the type of person that I am so that I can try to be the kind of person that I want to be. Don't always feel so open, or so raw, but I thought some of you might like a weird ole' peek to the inside of Heat (for those of you who already haven't seen my insides). Here's 50 things you may or may not know about my gay ass.

1. I can't live without my iTouch.
2. I don't ever want to be famouse for anything.
3. I won't use crayons that are brand new, they're my idea of perfection.
4. I'm violent sometimes.
5. Julia Roberts is my favorite.
6. I'm scared to death to be alone.
7. I'm not scared of hard work.
8. I get bored too easy.
9. I'm an alcoholic.
10. I have family that I don't love.
11. My dog's are the greatest.
12. My dad is my hero.
13. I'm a Christian and go to church almost every week.
14. I use humor to mask pain.
15. I love ice cream.
16. Jackie Brown is my all time favorite movie.
17. I wear a size 12 shoe.
18. I used to cut myself as a teenager, sometimes I relapse.
19. I'd love to become a highschool English teacher.
20. I have a hard time with Math.
21. I have two step-kids, I love them dearly.
22. I'm actually a very happy person.
23. I'm going to see my idol, Kylie Minogue in October.
24. I can make love for hours.
25. I'm a risk taker.
26. I don't have very many friends.
27. My favorite color is blue.
28. I'm in love with someone that I don't like a lot of the time.
29. My oldest nephew is like my little brother.
30. I get scared really easily.
31. I don't know how to play video games.
32. I don't like horses.
33. I'm really happy with the size of my penis.
34. I love rainy days the best.
35. I get lonely easily.
36. I'm the fattest I've ever been in my life.
37. I grew up on a farm.
38. I have crippling nightmares sometimes.
39. I love horror movies.
40. There's an autographed copy of Cosmo decorating my work desk of Jennifer Lopez.
41. I can't stand toenails.
42. I get crushes on people way too easily.
43. I could quit smoking if I felt like it.
44. I think anal is weird, but good.
45. Sometimes I donate my time.
46. I like to sleep while snuggling with my dog.
47. I don't like to be touched if I don't welcome it first.
48. I think I'm going to die in my 60's.
49. I still love my ex-boyfriend.
50. Life cereal is the food of the God's.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009


So I pick up my new apartment keys on Friday over my lunch hour. Have yet to do any packing, for a number of reasons. The main reason including that the ex doesn't want to come to terms with the fact that this is really happening. The few people I've told of what's going down have all expressed their concerns with his mental state once he lets it hit home, suggesting that I make this move as fast as I possibly can. So I suppose a bunch of moving boxes laying around for the last week would not have been good for his psyche, nor my belongings when the bipolar roller coaster leaves the platform. It doesn't help that I'm also putting in a 72 hr work week between the 2 jobs and am so dragging ass the way it is.

So I think I might pick up the keys on Friday, take a carload of my things that he won't even notice over this weekend. Along with a few changes of clothes, pick up some toiletries, and pack up a sleeping bag. That way I can ask for the next weekend off from job #2 for moving the rest of the major things but have the new place set up enough to stay at. My patience are deffinately worn thin over the fact that I've been trying to move for over a month, but have either not had the availability of a good place to go or else the means to do so.

In the same breath it's pretty weird to know that the time has come and where I thought I'd be out of the door running and screaming, I'm not. I'm not saying that I want things to stay the way that they are, or that I'm questioning my decision. Just the feeling of the end looming, yet, without any kind of closure. I took the kids to the sitter on my way to work this morning, probably my last time doing that, and instead of feeling dread or sadness, felt only numb. And that's okay with me. Not like I won't ever see them again, just probably won't be for a while, my choice as well.

So with that said, I'm about off to go to my home of 2 more days, and do my best to make sure that the last 2 days are as uneventful as they can be. Everything's worked out peachy up until this point, no reason it won't for the rest. Layta

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Adult MeMe

The “Adult Questions - Don’t Be a Pussy” meme.

1. Is there anyone on your blogroll you would have sex with?
Well sure!

2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
I'm more of a lady of the night myself.....

3. Have you ever had to pull over on the side of the road to puke?
Suprisingly no, I'm such a seasoned drinker that I'd be more likely to roll into a coma than puke.

4. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
I have not, and no I haven't ever been offered money to put them back on either.

5. Shower or bath while having sex?
Swimming Pool

6. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
I want a flip flopper.

7. Do you love someone on your blogroll?
Well sure!

8. Love or Money?
They make money every day, can't manufacture love though.

9. Credit cards or cash?

10. Have you ever wanted a best friend?
Been lucky enough to have a few.

11. Camping or a 5 star hotel?
Camping all the way

12. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?
Wal-mart parking lot.

13. Would you shave your entire body (including your head)?
I guess if I had too....I'd rather not though

14. Have you ever been to a strip club?

15. Ever been to a bar?
Hells yeah

16. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club?
No! That'd be like getting kicked out of church for me, I'd have no where else to go

17. Ever been so drunk someone else had to carry you?
Usually all the people I drink with would just leave me laying on the ground.

18. Had sex in a movie theater?
A handy.

19. Had sex in a bathroom?
Yes please!

20. Have you ever had sex at work?
No, everyone here is a total boner kill anyhow.

21. Ever been to an adult store?
Sure have

22. Bought something from an adult store?
Nothing too exciting, but yay for porno

23. Been caught having sex?
Mom....we were just talking

24. Does anyone have naughty pics of you?
I'm not sure, probably.

25. Ever had sex with someone and called them by the wrong name?
You mean people share names before copulating? no way!

Monday, August 3, 2009

Friday, July 31, 2009

iTouch my Shuffle

I've never posted one of those shuffle game thingers to where you set your iPod on shuffle and answer questions with the following song titles. So here we go, hopefully none of my Amy Grant songs pop up.

What do your friends think of you?Monster-L7, I'm really not, but do love a good Monster Movie

If someone says, “Is this okay?” You say...
I turn to You- Mel C., Hello 2001, BTW, I only turn to my right hand.

How would you describe yourself?HA! Pussy-Lords of Acid, I guess I am what I refuse to eat?

What do you like in a guy/girl?Hide U- Kosheen, yeah that's pretty much right

How do you feel today?Love Sensation- Loleatta Halloway, only lovely sensation I'm gonna be feeling is cashing both of my paychecks in about an hour

What is your life’s purpose?
Take me Away-4 Strings, Yes are my life's purpose.

What is your motto?My Destiny-Kim English, and here I thought it was "We're not leavin' till we're heavin'"

What do you think about very often?
Living Dead Girl-Rob Zombie, I think of Rob Zombie's Halloween 2 coming out on August 28th quite frequently lately, actually! WEEEEEEEE!!!! NERD!

What is 2+2?Stand Inside Your Love-Smashing Pumpkins, This one's just gay and nothing would make sense.....except that "4" song. It's pretty good.

What do you think of your best friend?
Spunk-Greek buck, but I also think of that from my worst enemy too

What do you think of your special someone?
Gimme More-Britney, It's 2 years ago BITCH

What is your favorite makeout song?
LoveGame-Lady GaGa, No, it's my favorite riding on a disco stick song actually

What is your life story?Start Rockin'-Anitloop, well, it deffinately aint "Stop Rockin'" fo sho!

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Star Catching Girl-Brother Brown, because Football catching boy is way too dangerous

What do you think of when your special someone comes in the room?Pitchin' (In Every Direction)-Hi-Gate, Sounds like I'm getting gang banged

What will you/did you dance to at your wedding?
One Eye Shut-Robbie Rivera, Cause I'm going to have to be completely hammered to ever get married.

What will they play at your funeral?HA HA HA HA!!! Arma-Goddamn-Motherfuckin-Geddon by Marilyn Manson, I guess that's fitting

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

She Wolf

I adore Shakira. Even when she sounds like a billy goat. The billy goat's toned down a bit for her new single, which I equally adore. I listen to a lot of Spanish singing divas, Shakira, Fey, Thalia, etc. and really enjoy the fact that they all usually have a few disco inspired tracks on most albums (or at least release remix versions). But I feel like She Wolf is dripping with all the discoey goodness that Madonna creaked the door open for with "Confessions" and Lady gaga blew open with "The Fame". I'm rilly rilly hoping that dance/pop/electronica music is coming back in it's cylce that it usually goes through every 5 to 10 years. I could use some more fun to some beats that are sick while I take a ride on my disco stick.

Take a listen to the track on my playlist below if you want.

On a side note, I took some emergency effedrine that I have in my desk for days where I feel severely sleep deprived. Today was one of those I feel like Speedy fricken Gonzalez. Whoop Whoop!

Friday, July 10, 2009


Hey there Davey....welcome to shirtless Friday.

Not My Day

So I was 25 minutes late to work Jesus could come down from the sky, give me back stage passes to Kylie, and line up all of the Abercrombie ass I could eat, and I am never that late. I am so waiting for my boss to pull me aside....while I'm blogging.

In my rush this A.M. I forgot my badge to get into the building. No big deal, thinks me, until I meet "UUUGGGGGGHHHHHH" face. Now let me tell you, that most people I work with are pretty nice. We're all dead behind the corporate eyes, but yet still try to look out for one another. "UUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH" face must be new. She walked right by the transparent door, looking at me in the eyes all the way, gets to the last bit of my focalpoint, I shrug my shoulders like "what the fuck", she pauses, double takes, looks at her watch, scratches her pussy, eats a muffin, smells her hand, then decides she can open one pane glass door and let me in. As she rolls her eyes at me.

Let me tell you this. NO ONE ROLLS THEIR EYES AT ME! I asked, "Is there a problem, Miss?" and I got the cold shoulder as she walked away. There was another poor late soul about 50 ft. behind me....I waited my turn, and held the door....

My karma better be damn good.....

Monday, June 29, 2009

Ooops....Oh My

You know.....sometimes as a gay person, when you learn how to live your life as self-sufficently as possible, you kind of forget to give a heads up to the people that are actually keeping tabs on you. Case in point, my favorite lez-bros Kendra and Karissa. Been really weird on the homefront on my end for the last few weeks, of which they know all about. My cell was shut off last week in part of poverty on my end or vindictiveness on someone else's that I "share" my plan with, not sure which yet. Either way, my line of contact with my loved one's is pretty much cut off or limited to emails. Lezbros went on a Lezcon 5 mission to figure out what was going on with their Nancy Boy Heat and called messaged my buddys. End of the day, I just hung my embarassed head a lil low and hoped no one would call and find out my douchiness in bill paying/plan sharing. After all the bitching and moaning that I've unloaded on these chikas, I should have give them the heads up. It's nice to know that someone worries about you when things are a little whacked, but I feel bad about it and really didn't mean to cause a stink. So I guess that's life lesson #2,982....don't assume that you can duck under the radar when a couple of dykes are involved. Love you girls, talk to you soon, lol

Monday, June 22, 2009

Pride Weekend

The weekend actually got off to a pretty good start. Bought the new Friday the 13th on Friday night. Saturday, got up early, skipped the step-son's baseball game and took Capone down to the Pride Parade downtown. The parade was short and sweet, like usual. I was standing in front of a hotel watching the parade, and some meat-heads in town for the College world series kept yelling "FAGGOTS!" from their hotel room windows though the whole thing. That stuff really irritates the hell out of me, even if it's just a word from the mouths of some fucking retarded coward. Nonetheless, when the inevitable bible thumping protestors walked right by me carrying their "I'm Going to Hell for Smoking Pole" signs, I kinda lost it on them. All I did was point, stare daggers into the eyes of what appeared to be the circus ringleader and shouted "SHAME ON YOU!" over and over again until they got tired of telling me I was damned for eternity unless I take the dick out of my ass and walked on to badger some other homos. Pride as usual in the big O. At least my dog got a new frisbee.

Attempted to go out on Saturday night. Got all the way down to the riverfront, paid the money to get in, bought $20 bucks in drink tickets, and all of a sudden my boyfriend couldnt even stand up anymore. It appears that he needed to take God knows how many shots at home whilst I was in the shower getting ready. He's socially retarded, so in order to be around people, he thinks he needs to be shitfaced. So after holding him up guiding him, we made it all the way to the parking lot, where he just couldn't walk anymore. I left him on an island to go get the car. When I got back people where surrounding him, checking to see if he was breathing while sprawled out on his back passed out. Fucking embarassing.

I broke up with him yesterday.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Boobs?

Walkin' down the street going to my comic book shop last Saturday morning, browsing through the store fronts, and I run across this.

I don't know how I would react to seeing a big ole giant pair of size 52 N titties, but I don't think it would be very well. God bless the back of the woman who's luggin' around those things.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Long time no see....

Hi kids,

Sorry for nothing interesting going on around here in forever. Good ole' Heat definately knows how to keep an audience, huh?

Well, it's not that nothing's been going on lately, in fact, I could probably write two blogs with everything going on right now. Unfortunately enough, quantity does not always mean quality, in that you all would still be bored to tears with what I have to say.

On the upside, there's defiantely going to be a lot to blog about starting in a few weeks. So if you remember me, please come back for a visit, would ya? Gotta lot of stuff going on, and it all boils down to the few weeks leading up to July. Don't mean to be cryptic or try to enduse suspense where, really, no suspense is due. But nonetheless, if you could keep me in mind, I'd suuuuuure appreciate it.

Later Taters!

P.S. I did have one great lil' thing happen since I last blogged (below). See, I wasn't lyin'!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

I think they both have "HAY" fever

Sounds like there's kind of an uproar this morning in the gay community about Adam Lambert not winning Idol cause of his sexuality.....

I personally think these two have been butt fucking each other for months.

Monday, May 11, 2009

The Holy Grail

Guess who's going to be in Oakland on opening night? The biggest mother-fucking fan that she's got........I'm literally gagging.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Gay Marriage in Iowa

I have two of the best neighbors in the world. They're a lesbian couple who have been together for quite a while, have a very nice looking house and very nice cars. They also have little twin kids, about 3 years old, little boy and a little girl, that they were able to concieve through insemination. On every nice day they walk by our house and stop and pet the dog, then either me or Tom runs into the house to grab a tootsie roll or lollipop for the little ones. Then we stand around and chit chat for a while.

Lately our conversations have revolved around the gay marriage issue in Iowa, 10 minutes away from where we live in Omaha. And I think Landy summed it up the best,

"Could they have picked a more retarded looking couple to fucking throw on the news?" (picture above)

We all concured. These women had about a 1st grade vocabulary and were able to get past the 3 day waiting period because their mom had health issues and was the only one in the household with a valid drivers license to drive them to the courthouse.....

I knew the freakish would come first and the rest are still mulling over colors and flowers. On that note, congratulations to my buds Susie and Linda who got married yesterday. And no, you're not one of the freakish.

Oh yeah, and it's take of your shirt Friday again.

I'd like to LaBouf all over his face.

Monday, April 27, 2009


My Bea.....

I seriously just found out that Bea Arthur has died. Went to the boys room, sat on the pot and cried. Texted all that I thought cared. Got consoled by my work faygette Cynthia. And now I have to blog.

I have never been so sad about a celebrity passing. And it's not like the heavenly angel on earth didn't have it coming, she was elderly enough I suppose. I guess I just thought she'd be the last to go of all of the Golden Girls, she was the strongest! And, she got production credits and still made money off the show, Rue and Betty better not be laughing.

The pregnant pause......

The double take.........

The pants that looked like skirts.......

The collars.............

The man voice...........

The stern eyebrow.......

Mrs. Arthur, I will miss you for the rest of my life. Thank you for being a friend.

Friday, April 24, 2009

It's About Time

What a week. Celebrating it's closure with a little Michael Gray for song #2 today.

Teaching Sunday School at church this weekend. Those little fuckers better listen to me.....

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Just for one damn day!

New to HHS:the sequel. Tunes whenever I feel like fucking posting them......

Bought this off iTunes at Mommy's house this weekend, listened to it for the first time leaving the little house on the prarie. If you knew what I accomplished this weekend, it's totally fitting.

P.S. Went to the feed store with my Dad this past weekend to get munchies for the horses. The sister fucking worker behind the counter was chatting with The Dad, who told him I was The Son home for the weekend, and hopefully we could get some potatoes planted in the garden before the rain hit. Sister fucker replied, "Well, I'd get him on his hands and knees so he could get to work. Looks like he's capable." As if I wasn't there. Oh sister fucker......if you only knew about these hands and knees. Ha Ha!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

80's hair

Is it just me, or is 80's hair comming back for women? I've seen a lot of bitches walking around looking like this lately.

Be still my beating heart if I start seeing some French Braids walkin around anytime soon.

This is the only 80's hair that I want back.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Take off your shirt Friday!

So my good friend Cynthia at work Instant Messaged me this link this morning.

cynthia c:

ME: holyfuckingshithell

We like to send links back and forth. Usually they're funny news stories or something concerning farts or poop, but today proved to be the best link day ever.

I like the image of a shirtless male body, prefferably a jock-type ridiculous muscle build, smooth in certain parts, fuzzy in others, with a perfect set of cum gutters (abs). In other words, just a fantasy guy, something that I would like to be but prolly won't. But this site is total overload for me, so much that I haven't been able to sit and watch through a whole "swap". And I am soooooo buying a pair of Adidas Shoes the next time i need new gym shoes. You know that's totally pointed to the gay male demographic.


Friday, April 3, 2009

10 LBS

So...been layin off the sauce (only cause I'm broker than MC Hammer), upping my cardio from 30 mins. to 60, and sometimes skipping supper. Yes, my puppies, I stepped on the scale today and found that I'm a little more than less 10 L to the fuckin' BS. 25 More and I'll be the picture of my own perfection, while saving up for some Nip/Tuck action. Wish me a bit o' luck.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Prom was a lot of fun. And no, luckily there were no Prom Night Dumpster Babys. We don't go out often at all, but the other half made it look like we were seasoned pros by having happy dancing feet all night.

Went to Flixx beforehand for a primer cocktail. I used to work security/barbacking/bartending/VJ at Flixx, so I know pretty much everyone there and get treated pretty well when I show my face. It was early when we got there and no one was there but us and the bartender, we'll call him Bob. I had worked with Bob before and have never really been a fan to say the least, but have never had any real beef with him either. Not too dillusioned to not realize that it prolly was the fact that he showed up being all younger and cuter and all that shit just as I was growing out of my own twinkish faze.

Anyhow...we have a little game that we play with each other that pretty much goes like this, I'm going to say something that either makes your blood boil or effect you in some other dramatic fashion with such ease because I'm totally better than you. Yeah, I'm that mature. Well ladies.....he got me this time. Got me good.

"I have the displeasure of being roomates with Tim."

Double take, pregnant pause like Dorthy on the Golden Girls...."My ex-Tim?"

"Yeah, took me a while to figure it out. But he tried getting a job here and couldn't get hired because of a past fellony. When I found out it was domestic abuse and the way he talked about it, I was able to put two and two together and realized he's the one that broke your leg a few years ago."

What in the fuck can you say to that? I'm usually not at a loss for words, but my breath was devistatingly taken away. This girl's good.

I knew Tim was back in town. He moved away after he beat the living shit out of me on Christmas day over 3 years ago, in my home town where we were visiting my parents. Moved away to not have to face me for what happened, or anyone else that had anything to do to me after I helped keep him out of jail by telling the judge that he couldn't pay my medical bills in the slammer. Apparently 3 years is enough to cool things over and let everyone else forget. Bordering on living in the past or feeling sorry for myself, I haven't really let it go yet, and it's something that I haven't thought about in a while but has shaped my life into what it's been in the subsequent 3 years.

I don't ever talk about it, for as little it's been on my mind. I've always thought it would always just go away. I suppose a little therapy over the matter is a good idea, but it prolly would have been a better one 3 years ago. Violence really is traumatic. In my case, it's made me a little mean, a little bitter towards the world, untrusting of people in general, and ready to hit people when I get angry or distressed. This is what I learned in one night. Kinda sucks to realize just by a casual comment, and to know that the pain is still kinda there even though you would have swore that it's not. Fighting like hell to try and not let it effect the rest of your life is pretty much a losing battle, but really what else is there to do.

Exept blog about it and hope it leaves your system.

Friday, March 27, 2009


So I sat my happy ass down in my cube (a.k.a the soul sucker of deprivaty)this morning, sat my shit down, and this is what I found. Apples and Oranges. It amused me for about 10 seconds, then I realized how fucking lame I am.

Gay prom is this weekend. The wife had to get me drunk in order to get me to go get fitted for a tux. $250.00 fucking bucks for the both of us to look like douches. I see more unpaid bills and have a sinking feeling in my tummy about them. Apparently our relationship needs "work" so I guess this is how people work out their problems, paying for something they can't afford. Oh fucking well, I hear McDonalds is looking for another part time McNerd. Maybee I'll post pics when all is said and done. I just hope to God I don't wake up pregnant like I did the morning after in High school. I threw out all my wire hangers.

Monday, March 16, 2009


Mondays are the worst ever. I don't think I'm a big complainer, but I will always have nothin' good to say about a Monday. Monday is really no different than any other weekday really, only I'm usually a little more hung-over. So today I thought I'd chronical all of my big doings thru my Monday in order to try to understand why they are the way they are:

8:00 am; got to work, on time, don't have my iTouch cause asshat step-son stole it and took it to mom's. Made a note to punch him.

8:15 am; Finally able to log into my peice of shit computer that takes 50 hours to start.

10:10 am; wasting company time by starting to write a blog. Looking forward to my pink slip by mid-afternoon.

10:15 am; remembered broken but halfway functioning headphones in file cabinet, Chaka Kahn is making everything seem a little better.

10:38 am; Sales is making everything worse by being fucking retarded.

11:37 am; IMing my buddy Paul, just talking about weiners and balls.

12:52 pm; Back from lunch, ran home for a nice 15 minute recharge nap and a quick wank. I'd say the day is looking up, but I'm thinking that was prolly going to be the best part of my day.

1:01 pm; Got a text from BFF Philson, Club Joy is back open this weekend. I barbacked there before it closed 4 years ago, the funnest time in my life. See if I can't get my job back.

2:18 pm; Out of steam.

4:00 pm; One. More. Hour.

4:06 pm; Asshat step-son calls to tell me that my iTouch is frozen and won't work. Making a note to punch him twice.

Skipping ahead to 5:00 pm; running out the effing door

5:30; cocktail in hand and a step-son punched twice

Thursday, February 12, 2009


Who besides me wants to stab this woman in the baby making parts? What a douche.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Heat's Hate Spot

So I'm totally not shitting rainbows today, so I will be listing my current hatefull oppinions. I hope it offends.

I hate my cubicle mate's choice of music that she blares to the whole office. Boys 2 Men were really rad in the 90's for a reason, the 90's sucked my teenage ass.

I hate walking 15 feet from my front door to my car and having the snot fucking freeze in my nose before I get from point A. to point B.

I hate my dog for getting into shit and thus barfing all over my fucking living room.

I hate pregnant women (although I think I already covered this topic). There are 3 of them around me in my office right now, one of which I am covering. They are all worse than drag queens, and I find those people vile and horrible most of the time as well.

I hate being told what to do, and so far that's happened to me about 15 fucking times this morning already.

I hate being poor and having to sit home and look at the fucking tv. I also hate the current economy, not being able to get a raise this year and having hours cut. This is my fucking living people.

I'm done.....

But I do Love the new Jason pics for F13.......

Friday, January 9, 2009

Mr. Myers Prototype Mask for H2

So Ray Ray, it's you and me here bud. You want H2 updates, you come see good ole Heat cause wheather anyone else gives a shit or not, I'm posting them.

1. Danielle Harris (Jamie Halloween 4 and 5, Annie Brackett in the remake) is coming back for H2.

2. The release date bumped up from October to August (how can they do this with a movie that hasn't even started filming?)

3. There is going to be a plathora of new characters, I've read a casting memo that's kind of a buzzkill cause these are characters who die, and it tells how they die, sounds VERY very cool.

4. They're moving the shoot from Pasadena (remake) to a town in Georgia, and if you ask me Georgia is just fucking scary to begin with.

5. Here is a prototype pic of the new Myers Mask. Notice the bullet hole Ray Ray? Looks like a graze to me.....