Wednesday, December 30, 2009


Well, I took the EX into detox yesterday.

Extremely happy that it's finally happened. Emotionally drained as to how.

For the last two days I've been told that Ex lost his job (he stopped showing up), Ex is committing himself (to a rehab facility that would never be approved by his insurance), Ex has called the Humane Society to come pick up the dog (the dog is now in my apartment), and that I was being barred from the house and the things that I have left in it (landlord will let me in anytime to gather the rest of my belongings).

He never intended to go away, but go away he did. His Parole Officer stopped by the house yesterday, I don't know if someone called or if it was a random check up since he was not at work. Either way, he was intoxicated, which is a no-no for his parole. I got a call at work at about a quarter to 3 asking to come take him in so he wouldn't have to go in a cop car. I left work, not because I was afraid of him being embarassed being cuffed and escorted, but to say good bye.

I took him in, he cried the whole way, I held his hand. He kept on saying please not to leave him, that I was all he had. I didn't shed a tear, I just kept looking forward as we drove. The one time I looked over at him, all I saw was a shell of someone that I used to know, face wet and stubbled. He gave me 20 bucks to get him cigarettes. I walked him in and the police took him away. I turned around and couldn't help but look back once.

Went back to the house, got the dog and some belongings I've been wanting to bring with. I called his family, his brother stopped by. I thought I was going to get beat up for doing something wrong, but we just talked for a while and shook hands before walking out the door. His brother's been in this position, his brother spent a year inside for it.

I'm past the point of blaming myself for things. A fuck up is going to fuck up, there's no way around it. I've got a dog to get rid of and two kids that I don't know I'll see anymore. I feel weak in the fact that I knew this was coming and I didn't leave it all alone when I should have. There were so many special things wrapped in this ridiculous relationship that I somehow couldn't make that decision. I knew if I stuck it out, the decision would be made for me, and it was.

Now's a time for some rest and mourn just a little. And to realize that this is what can happen when you play house with someone else's family.

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