My ex gets out of rehab today. Hope that it was a good experience and that he didn’t do it just to go through the motions. He’s actually a pretty cool guy, just a lot of bullshit thrown his way over the years. I can relate, and maybee that’s how we connected at a time. Haven’t seen him in 30 days, only talked to him a few times within that period, a couple phone calls and a few letters. A part of me misses him a bit, but for the most part I’m glad to have had a break from the Tom and Jon show. I don’t want to live the life we had anymore. Although, I miss my step-kids dearly. But I think that enough time has passed that they probably are over me not being around, don’t want to show up again out of the blue and reopen things. They know I love them, that’s all I need, really.
I’m a little nervous about today, Tom getting out and what he’s going to do. I don’t want to care anymore, but a part of me still does. After all that’s happened over the years, I shouldn’t. But I love being the glutton of my own punishment I guess. And I still love him in a lot of ways and really want to see the best in him again. I’ve been doing some radical changing myself though within the last month, physically and internally, to the point where I don’t think he’d know me anymore. And I think I did that on purpose. I guess I want to make him not love me anymore so I don’t feel so bad about my own feelings. I feel guilted, and don’t really deal with that very constructively.
Anyhow, that’s all I got for today. A little hopefull, a little sad, a little somthin’ I don’t know. Love ya guys.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
So I called my Dad for his birthday yesterday. For those of you who don't know, my parents are good ole down to earth country folk, living on the same small farm that I grew up on. Anyhow, going through our regular touchpoints when it comes to phone conversations between us two, we got on the subject of the farm animals. I think this was somewhere in between the weather and the goings on within the community. We got on the subjest of my longtime dog Chase. Chase is a black lab, husky,and rumored wolf mix that I picked out when I was still in grade school who now is a hard of hearing and seeing, arthitic old gal. So far she'd been getting along just fine, even with her ailments and had even been granted permission to become and inside outside farm dog. This is almost unheard of on the farm. But, I was told that she had stopped eating and was very very shaky when walking. I did my usual, "Oh well she's a good ole girl who's time is ticking down. Got to expect her to go one of these days." pretty much the standard response whenever the subject comes up. I know it's coming but I don't want to talk about it.
This morning I got an email from my Mom, saying that she was taking Chase to the vet, cause she looked like she had took a turn for the worst overnight. She told me that although we had an agreement that if Chase ever had to be put down, she would let me hurry up and make the 2+ hr trip up so that I could be the one to take her in, but me with my only mode of transportaion these days being my own two feet and a bicycle didn't fair likely. Things didn't sound good coming from my Mom's end as she pretty much told me to expect for my childhood friend to venture off to the great beyond this afternoon. Tears ensued and I had been sitting here at work all day whiping my eyes and sniffing snot up my nose. My world felt a little lonlier.
Well, about an hour ago, I got another email from my Mom with the subject line of "Good News". "Good News?" thinks me, "What, was it college intern day and they got to put her down for free?" Turns out the vet thought she looked really good for a dog her age and didn't want to put her to sleep. Of all things he tried acupuncture to help coax her appetite back and to relieve some of the arthitis in her hind legs. He also gave her a months worth of pain pills to try and see if that would help too. I guess while my Mom was writing to me, she started eating a bowl of food that was set out for her, her first in 5 days.
So, good news for me. Get to look forward to seeing my beloved pet at least once more the next time I get up there, which will be soon now. Only thing that sucks is I got a taste of what's to come when the time really arrives. But like usual, I'll just say, "Oh well she's a good ole girl who's time is ticking down. Got to expect her to go one of these days."
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Here's another little gem that's about to be released. Pairing back up with David Guetta after last Summer's HUGE success of "When Love Takes Over" Beyonce2 is smartly delving back into the world of dance music. Michelle Williams is somewhere cutting herself.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
The world's most heavenly angel is back with her brand new song. LOVE IT TO DEATH!
She uses her voice, it's not overshaddowed by the music, it's not digitally distorted robot voice, it's sweet soft Kylie voice. It hasn't been used to her advantage like this in a long time. I love the pianos, I love the electrobeats, somehow they don't clash. Whoever produced this did a really great job showcasing all of her best attributes.
Best part is, we get the album at the same time as our friends across the pond do for the first time ever. She usually releases her albums overseas months before releasing them in the US. July 6th is going to feel like a million years away. I really hope that it's a hit here. Looking forward to the remixes and dancing to this song all damn summer long. Very happy gay over here. :-)
The images are behind the scenes pics for the video shoot that took place last weekend in Los Angeles.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
So, I'm not a big fan of Glee. Not a hater, don't dislike it, just don't have the tingle in the weiner that a lot of us boys of a certain persuation have. Honestly, I'm kind of jealous about it as I love being obsessive compulsive over things of this nature. It's just lost on me, but that's ok.
I heard some rumblings last week that they might do a Kylie show, which is really the only thing that's perked my interest on the show. (somehow, even the mention of the Madonna episode was met with my new favorite response as of late, "Eh...") I had to tell someone, as I think it was one of those afternoons where I'd realized I hadn't talked to a living soul but the dog. So I texted my Gleek, JP.
"I can top that," texted he, "ONJ will be ON Glee this week singing Lets Get Physical with Sue Sylvester" So, I was impressed, and not just because JP said he could top something, so I decided I'd watch it this week if I was around. Somehow, JP already had the song downloaded from the episode and made sure that I heard it when I stopped by to pick him up at his place before going out for a drink. I liked it a lot and asked him to replay it. Once Tuesday came around, I got home from the gym (no kidding) and realized that not only was the show on, it was about halfway over with. I flipped the tv on, and not but a few minutes passed and the video was played.
#1. ONJ looks hot, even with plastic face.
#2. If I like anything about this show, it's Sue Sylvester.
#3. I wish there were guys like that at my gym.
Very entertaining, sexy, and good to see Ms. John back with some much wanted recognition stateside.
And speaking of gym, my endeavors are very slightly starting to take into minor effect. I hate how all some people talk about is the gym when they get into "that mode", and I admit, that's the mode that I'm in. So I'll be short about it. I feel like when I was a kid looking for my first ball hair swearing to God I could see one and feeling all manly. Only this time I swear I feel a little less blub in certain spots, a little more firmness in others, but deffinately a lot of soreness in places I'm not used to feeling sore. Only week two, changes are always small if you're really doing them the right way, so I hope I stick with what I'm doing cause if anything it's doing a lot for my state of mind and my attitude and behaviors. cause of it, the drinking has dropped off even more and I'm getting full 8 hrs of sleep at night from exhaustion.