Wednesday, October 20, 2010

To all the kids

Having been a suicidal teenager over guilt with my emerging sexuality, the focus as of late has really brought a lot of shit back. Obviously, not only for me, but for a lot of people. I remember always having a plan to either run away as far as I could or else making a trip to the medicine cabinet in case my parents ever found out. Well they did find out when I was 16 and found a stack of printed out gay porn images that I got from my sister's internet connection earlier that summer. After having to burn them, and a confrontation where I basically told my mom that I would knock her fucking lights out if she didn't get out of my way and let me shut myself up in my room, I set my alarm for 3am so I could decide which one I was going to pursue. The alarm never went off and my Dad woke me up the next morning for school, and nothing was talked about again for the next 3 years. But I knew one thing....watch your fucking step.

Teenage suicide has always been an epidemic of its own, although its ungodly with gay youth. I'm glad that its reached the point where it is as visable now, rather than just burying your kid because he was "too sad". But there are so many misunderstood kids out there, who are not gay, that drive themselves to take this drastic act for the same reason gay kids do. They're different. God forbid any kid can be different without being labeled as something negative.
Growm ups in general, gays included, forget what its really like to have this type of torment. Probably all because we are in a place that we all choose to be at this point. When you're growing up, there is no choice, you're stuck with where you're at. Just like people from 3rd world countries would give a nut to live in a place like Omaha, so do many kids that would like to get out of their torment but have no where to go.

Parents are wrong, religeon is wrong, teachers don't get paid enough to be right, so where the hell does that leave a kid who doesn't fit in? Alone. Are there more resources now than ever before, yes. But when a person can't reach out to a person of youth for fear of being labeled a sexual predator, those resources are as good as a screen name in a chatroom. One your parents can find out about or block all together. Its a sad day for kids when the resouces are there, but they can't be used as they are intended for.

Does it get better, absolutely. But when you're living a 4 year jail sentance that is high school, things can get pretty fucking drastic. If ever there was a time for the "moral majority" to get straight, its now. That is why these kids are dying. Their parents are too busy condemning them without any clue.

Change is in the air, and my fingers are crossed. God bless all the youth that get to this point that are never ever heard about. Happens every day, and its friggin sickening.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

tick, tick, tick

I saw my folks today, along with my sister and her family. Was a good afternoon, especially the fact that I was invited into my sister's home after almost a year of tension between us. All is over when it comes to all of that, and we can get along and talk and laugh kind of like we always have.

My Grandpa passed away two weeks ago, and we've all seen each other for the funeral. Life is calming down for my Mom, which was one of my major concerns. Me and my sister mending a rift is helping, I'm sure. And getting together on my neice's birthday was a nice change of pace for everyone since we got together under a fun circumstance.

My mom took me aside for a minute saying she had something for me as she pulled out her purse. I rolled my eyes, expecting that she was going to give me an early birthday presant to her cash strapped son, ready to oppose and refuse. Instead she pulled out a watch that my grandpa used to wear, as well as a ring that he made himself and wore. Kept my shit together, allowed my eyes to water up a bit, and gladly accepted.

I put them both on tonight and wonder how they looked on him. The watch is pretty generic, but it might as well be a Rollex to me, I don't even want to change the band on it. The ring is another story. I think its very beautiful, masculine, and the fact that he cut and shapped the stone (its literally a stone that he buffed down and cut) it means a lot.

I didn't go see Grandpa in the last year he was alive. Everyone in the world said that we might as well be the same person (save for the sexuality bit) and I don't feel bad for not being one of the last people to be around him. If we were so alike, I wouldn't want anyone around me, let alone all the people that were. I have no regrets there. I know its cool. But my momentos are priceless and I'm greatfull that I have them as reminders of part of him.

Take care G-pa, make sure I don't lose this stuff or ill never forgive myself, lol.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

reeeee-wind

Just like the new season of Glee, I'm back. Either that or you can insert your herpes jokes here. Whirlwind of a summer, this bitch gets overwhelmed easily so a public break was in order as to keep a lil bit o' cooth. Here's a quick A.D.D rundown of the season:

Spent time with my buddies like never before. Never thought I could love them more than how I always loved them. JP and Shua, I love being the 3 Amigas again.

Yoga master. Had a moment with gym guy. Hot, chaste, over.

Lost my job, have been in a vicious cycle of interviews, faulse starts, and down right rejection. Temping during the day in the service industry, loving what I do again. Still DJing at my bar, looking forward to every Friday and Saturday night. Meeting new and exciting friends every week. Realizing that I'm a fun person to be around. Making new connections and earning respect through my work ethic every day.

Lady Gaga in KC was my highlight. She's around so much it gets annoying but the live show is where its at.

Met a boy I really care for and put my head in the place it needs to be. The big one, not smaller one.

Split up with said guy, but care for him knowing he did not a damn thing wrong, just didn't happen as planned.

Learned how to survive in hard times without depending on anyone else's help.

Granpa died. RIP gramps. We looked exactly alike and acted the same too, same attitude, stature, assholeness. Was harder on me than I thought it would be, but after a week of drunkeness I'm over it and know that I'm not the dead one.

Connected with someone that I can only explain as the most rejuvenating person I've ever run into by chance. I miss him when he's not around. And since I usually want all the space I can get, this is a wonderfully different feeling to me.

So that's the wrap up. Did it over my phone, so forgive the typos, if this even gets posted. I guess if you see this it worked.

Love you bitches....

Monday, July 19, 2010

Jack and Diane and a Lesbian Minogue

Source: NY Post July 16, 2010


The lesbian werewolf picture Jack and Diane has called upon singer/actress Kylie Minogue for a bit of a threesome.

According to the NY Post's sources, she'll play a "heavily tattooed lesbian" and join stars Juno Temple and Riley Keough.

The film concerns two girls who meet in New York City and become embroiled in a whirlwind love affair. Unfortunately, one of them is leaving the city soon and suffering visions of lycanthropy.

Bradley Rust Gray writes and directs.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Kylie, Behave!!!!!





Watch where you hold that mic Kylie, ahhhhhh!

Poor girl, she's so sweet and innocent with that joyful expression on her face with her new stuffed friend. Then I go and pander to a dirty minded suggestion of an unfortunate microphone placement. Forgive me Kylie, I couldnt help it.

Love,

Heat

Friday, July 9, 2010

The New Guy

Well, I met someone new over pride last weekend. Spent the past week getting to know him and have really enjoyed the time spent. I met him down on the riverfront after getting out of the parade and I was walking around looking at the pride booths and whatnot while waiting for my friends to show up. I was making my way to the beer tent when I was approached by this guy with the gay professionals neworking team and asked if I would wear one of their stickers. We chatted it up for a bit, as he put my sticker on my chest for me, and it was pretty obvious that there was some mutual attraction going on.

I left to continue exploring what was the faggiest weekend in Omaha, getting that beer from the beer tent and buying various rainbow themed things as somehow that crap really appeals to me on the one day a year. I ended up running into the “gay professional” guy again, this time him asking if I might have an extra drink ticket, as he was wanted to get a beer for his friend and himself but was short one. I liked this approach, and wonder even now if it was just a ploy to talk some more, which was perfectly fine by me. I walked with him back to the beer tent, introduced ourselves even further, talked a bit more, and ended up exchanging phone numbers.

Fast forward to a few days later and we’ve got a movie date set up at my place. We didn’t get to the movie, as we opened a bottle of wine and talk talk talked getting to know each other. Was pretty cool, there seems to be a lot that we have in common starting with being a couple of blue collar guys with two jobs each. We’re also artistic in our own rights, we both love to paint and he’s a fantastic photographer. He does a lot of community work and is always busy with something, which I find very attractive in a guy. He’s in his early 40’s, looks like he’s in his mid 30’s, very tall compared to me, maybee about 6’2, light complexion, brown eyes, very funny, and very kind, and I think really cute. Pretty different from anyone I’ve gone out with before, which is a good thing considering my track record.

So, going slow with this one, seeing what we would both want out of anything and see if they mesh well together. I feel pretty secure with him, don’t feel like theres any hidden agenda or that he’s putting up an act and will totally change in a month. Has a geniune personality and that’s pretty awesome to see in someone who you’ve only just met. Going to spend some more time this weekend and I’m looking forward to it.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Things accomplished over Pride/4th weekend

Drank an enormous amount of alcohol.
Was in the Pride parade.
Saw almost every single friend I have in Omaha.
Met a guy.
Went to jail for two hours.
Did lunch with my parents.
Bought a ridiculous pair of shoes.
Spent my rent money.
Agreed to taking in a Chihuahua.
Took everything left that belongs to my ex to the dumpster.
Passed the hell out with one of my besties.
Ate like a pig.
Made new friends.
Consumed more jello shots than one should ever be allowed.
Got sunburned.
Molested some random guy on the dancefloor.
Watched some pyro.
Made a date.
Flipped of protesters.
Overshared yet again on Facebook.
And that’s just what I remember. Hopefully I wasn’t too much of a shitty faggot to anyone :-)

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Just an Observation





HMMMMMMMMMMMMM???????????............


Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Aphrodite-Online





Well, it's here. Kylie's "Aphrodite" is posted in it's entirety online as an NPR first listen.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128109135

I'm only on the third song, but I think it's pretty amazing, as I knew it would be. Read through the article and suprised to see it reveal that there are no ballads. I hate ballads, so that makes me double happy. Can't wait till my vynils shows up along with my special edition cd/dvd. Check it out!!!!!

(Everything is Beautiful, is my favorite so far)

Monday, June 28, 2010

The CWS brings more drama than any gay bar in Omaha


Downtown Omaha has been a bit of a nightmare for the last week and a half. It always seems that people want to book events at the same time that the College World Series is taking place in the two weeks that it goes on. Great for revenue for the city, but an annoyance to those of us that live and/or work in the area. Everything is packed, people don’t know where they’re going or they want to stand around and gawk at everything in especially crowded areas like the Old Market. My Fays and I went out for lunch around noonish on Saturday and there were already scores of drunk as shit people stumbling around. Surprisingly enough, I’ve not yet seen near as much vomit on the sidewalks as I had expected. So that’s a good thing.

I was walking home at 1:30am from my job at the bar on Saturday night, takes me roughly a half an hour. My rules for night time walking are, I don’t speak to anyone for any reason that I don’t know, no iPod, no stops unless absolutely necessary. It’s not that I’m journeying through the ghetto, but I do a LOT of walking, and I know that if anything is going to happen to me, it’s going to be at that time of the day. Again, not that I’m worried about anything happening, just making sure I’m not a sitting duck.

In the time it took me to get home, I walked by or through 2 drunken arguments, one brawl in a parking lot, and was somewhat of a witness to a car slamming into God knows what. The drunken arguments were no big deal, if you’ve ever been drunk, you’ve been in one. Most notably was the guy screaming in his girlfriend’s face that she was a slutty whore for fucking his best friend 7 times. One of those guys who bawls as he screams. “Do you have any idea how bad that makes me feel!?!?!” “Let her have it,” thinks me, although I’m not stranger to being an adulterous slut myself. The other argument was nothing to remember, all I could tell that it was another lover’s spat as the girl “just wanted to be left aloooooooone”.

The brawl was weird; it looked like the Greasers Vs. the Socs, although in my case I think it was out of town boys Vs. Omaha thugs in the parking lot of Cubby’s gas station. This is really a super smart place to start fighting a half hour after the bars have let out and the cop shop is exactly one block down the street. Retards. It was a few blocks later that the car crash happened. I didn’t see it directly, but it happened right around the corner from where I was at and the sound alone scared the living shit out of me. There were a ton of people around that went running up towards the accident, so I didn’t go near it. I can’t handle that shit unless I absolutely have to. There was a car horn blaring and eerily enough, I could hear it until I walked far enough away that it was impossible to hear anymore. Reminded me of a scary movie where the killer crashes a car and smacks into the horn and everyone thinks they’re safe until the horn stops blaring (ala Halloween 5).

Anyhow, I got home without further incident, feeling lucky that for once I wasn’t part of any of the drama. I’m happy that this is the last weekend for the CWS so things can get back to normal around here. I will miss all the cute jock sightings and hearing my friends squeal over all the random hotties. Although next weekend is Pride for us, so it will be another busy weekend, yet one that belongs to “my kind”.


Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Mayor Applauds Bar Hours Vote - Omaha News Story - KETV Omaha

Mayor Applauds Bar Hours Vote - Omaha News Story - KETV Omaha

Not Leavin' till we're Heavin'




Starting July 15, Omaha bars will now be open an extra hour, closing at 2 a.m. rather than 1 a.m. All 7 city council members voted for this and the Mayor is applauding them for doing so. Which makes me assume that they figure they can catch more drunk drivers after 2 a.m. driving around the city than they can catch the drunk drivers that rush across the bridge at 1 a.m. to catch that last hour of power in Iowa.

I’m not complaining about this, I’m also 100% for it. Every single Metropolitan City is open until at least 2 a.m. Makes us look a little less Mayberry. And I’m REALLY digging it for the fact that I just got back in the industry. 2 extra hours a week = 8 extra hours at the end of the month, like tagging on 2 more shifts a month, my income from this job just got bumped up by 25%. Not too shabby for having been back for a week. I guess that is if they keep starting me at 9. Anyhow, I’m happy about this.

I bet the bar owners in IA are pissed, as I wonder how bars like Broadway Joe’s will fair once all the faggots stay where they are in Omaha. I know that I’ll probably never step foot in there again, as I won’t need to on the nights that I have off. But I guess that’s the only shitty part about it for me though. Now my only nights off are followed by workdays at my corporate job, starting the day at 6am. Going to have to resist the urges to close the bar, I just can’t function on 3 hours of drunken sleep anymore.

But on a different note, I was contacted by a trainer at my gym this week offering to work with me for a free session. I’m going to meet him at 9 a.m. on Sunday and see how it goes. I’d actually had the thought running through my mind about hiring a trainer to keep in check with maybe twice a month, so I guess throwing a freebie my way right about now is a good idea on their part. Who knows, with this bit of extra income, maybe I could afford to see him once a week for a few months. That’d be great.

Question for the masses: Do you tip a personal trainer? I obviously will for the free session, but after that, do you offer gratitude? And if so, how much?

Monday, June 21, 2010

Namaste Mother F’ers




One of the better things that I’ve done with my life in the last few months is take up yoga. I’d done yoga before, not really on a regular basis, but have always really liked it. I usually go every Monday and Wednesday after work for “power yoga” at my gym. The teacher is really good, actually she’s fucking insaine, but effective. She makes us hold our poses for a ridiculous amount of time. I’m always literally drenched with sweat by the time the hour long class is over.

One of the perks of these classes, besides greater flexibility, better balance, centering one’s self, and the obvious workout benefits is that there’s a guy who goes to every class that I ever go to that I think is hot as hell. Just my type, at least mid 30’s, muscley, shaved head (no guard), friendly, masculine but not intimidating. I know he’s gay, I’ve seen him out and about and he has certain characteristics. Like getting boners in the locker room while we shower off when class is over. Yes, this is one of my favorite parts about yoga class, the locker room dick show with Mr. Hottie.

One of my greatest mortal fears as an adolecent was public nudity with other males, as I was petrified of getting a stiffy for everyone to see. While I still have this fear somewhat, I’m usually in a lot greater control over my “zone” now than what I was at 13. But somehow this guy makes me lose it, and thank God he gets them too. While we talk a bit, it’s usually locker talk, and the subject of arousal has never been brought up. I mean really, what would you say? “Dude you know, sometimes it just gets hard, you know man?” like some terrible porno. And luckily we’re able to position ourselves so that we both have an available corner to “point North” to in case anyone else comes in, which really never happens though.

I would really like to take things further, outside of the locker room of coarse, but have my reservations. Should things go further or would everything get screwed up if there was a further experience? Is it better to lust after this guy for 5 minutes every couple of days when he’s all wet and soapy or try to have my jock and eat it too? I don’t know. I’d really like to talk to him some more at the very least, to show him that I have an interest. But then again, is it one of those situation when you open your mouth and you lose your boner? I don’t know, so I guess I’ll hold off until either I can’t take it anymore or he approaches me. All I know is I’ll enjoy what’s going on at this point in time and who knows, if things don’t work out maybee all of this yoga will result in the ability to perform autofalatio.

Friday, June 18, 2010

First Night on the job (again)

We’ll I go back to work at good ole’ Flixx Video Lounge tonight. I stopped in last night to meet up with Jerret and do the regular paperwork thing and to get a crash course on the video equipment that I’ll be working with. I’m relieved to know that we’re no longer using 2 DVD players hooked up to a soundboard and manually finding the DVD that you want, loading up the disc, queing your track making sure that the volume was just right through a headset because each disc seemed to fluxuate. All of this within the coarse of a 3-4 minute song (which is why I usually opted for abnormally long remixes or played songs that were back to back on the same dvd making the pause between songs rather than fading them together).

No, kiddles, we joined the new millenium and are now all digitally stored and functionable through a new thing that we call, a computer. Can you say that after me? COM-PU-TER. In fact, they have humongous playlists already set up for what they usually play on Friday and Saturday nights, comedy clips, movie clips, concert tracks, etc. etc. “Then why do they need a VJ?” asks you. Well, my Darling, I’m better than any ‘shuffle’ program. Just because it’s listed on the ‘Friday Night’ playlist doesn’t mean it will be played, and I highly doubt that hidden jams such as Bananarama or the like will be found on thus playlist. The format has changed very much to my liking, no more Latin, no more rap.

Besides, you can’t ask a playlist to “Play Lady Gaga next!!!” and it seems like a lot of songs that they have saved aren’t available because they’re not properly titled and they need someone to go through and identify the videos at some point. This is something I’m salivating over, it’s like the name that song game magnified by 50. Plus I’ll be able to download stuff and give my musical suggestions at some point, which is right up my alley. And my drinks from now on are $2.00 a pop and I can partake in moderation while playing said music. How do you beat that, really?

Anyhow, I’m really excited to be back and can’t wait to feel like I’m a part of things again. Everyone I talked to last night made me feel super welcome and acted like they looked forward to seeing what I could do, rather than act non-responsive or indifferent. Either way, my nerves are starting to act up a bit in anticipation, but I’m more excited than anything. Literally made 2 sheets of songs that I can search for if for some reason I freeze and can’t think of anything good, but honestly just phsyching myself out over it. It’s easy, it’s not going to make or break anyone or anything, but I sure hope it turns out the way everyone expects! Have a super fun weekend guys!!!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Twice Employed

Good news today. Received the word that I’m hired on again at Flixx. Almost didn’t get the word at this, on the last day of Project $20 (which turned out to be Project $25 as I had to ask a friend if I could borrow a few bucks for bus fare for the remaining week). I thought I would squeek by on the sly with my phone bill, as it was due yesterday and was still on as of this morning. Nope, right before Noon the facker shut off. The first thing that I thought of was, “What if the bar tries to call me?” as I listed tomorrow as the day I could start working, and like all things gay (such as paying due bills) we wait until the last minute to make note.

Lo and behold, I receive an Instant Message from Alisson, my friend/former co-worker/current bartender that Jarret the manager had been trying to get a hold of me and was getting a disconnect notification. How embarassing is that? At least it’s apparent to anyone with a brain that I can use this second job. Glad that I use Yahoo Instant Messanger as a work tool every day at my corporate job and most people know I always have it logged in on my work pc or my phone, when it’s working. (Note: add me if you want, whenigrowup81) Long story short, she gives me his number and I call him to find out if I got it or not.

I had initially gone in and applied as a server, as that’s what I was told they had open. While I’ll still be a server, I’ll also get to VJ. When I worked there before, I LOVED to VJ. Only there were 2 problems back then, the equipment was horrible and the night of the week that I worked was “Papi Chulo Night” playing mostly Latin Videos. Take it, I love me some Thalia, Fey, and Shakira, but I really hankered for some “real” music. Now I’m told that the equipment is new and simple, and I think that they got rid of Papi Chuloing now that the old owner who had a constant boner for Latin boys is no more. Going in tonight to learn how to run the system, hopefully they’ll let me stay all night so I can play around.

Will update tomorrow.

www.flixxomaha.com

Friday, June 11, 2010

Completely Obsessed

The Real Housewives of New York City. Jill. Bethany. Ramona. Alex. Kelly. LuAnn. And sometimes Sonja.





What do I say? Other than, I apologize for not paying attention to you before this season.




Jill, you are my favorite. You are the one of the biggest bitches on the planet, and I admire that. As you put it, you’re “A New York Bitch”. I want to call myself an Omaha Bitch, but for some reason it doesn’t carry the same ‘zing’. I think you’re also the prettiest of the group, and I also think that is why all of the other girls pick on you and make you cry those tough as nails tears. Jill Zarin! I’d buy fabric from you and Bobby anyday! If I could afford it and had any use for fabric.
Favorite Quote of the season: “You told me ta getta hobbieeee, whell I ghotta hobbiieeee. It’s my hausbahhhnd, Baaaaaaa-Biieeee!”





Beth, you’re also a mega-bitch, but in a totally different way. You’re sneaky. To tell you the truth, I like it when you cry. And now that you have your own spin off show where they show your pregnant ass being all pregnant, I look forward to seeing you cry even more. Those tears might soften that cement face of yours. And how did you get a spin off? Sure that baby is Jason’s. OOOOOOO, that’s right, I went there!
Favorite Quote of the season: (referring to a fight with Kelly) “I’m done trying to explain things to Miss……..Cook-a-doodle-doo!”





Ramona, your eyeballs freak me out more than anything. And that’s saying a lot cause your personality is so damn weird. You’ve got the brain of a 13 year old girl on a cocaine binge. Your best saving grace, you’re pushing 60 and you look fantastic. And the fact that you’ve basically got a Pinot Grigio IV drip.
Favorite Quote of the season: (to Bethany) “You’ve screwed things up with Jill, you’ve screwed things up with everyone else. All you have is Jason, and I bet you’ll screw that up too.” (editor’s note: Uh-Uh she didn’t!!!!)





Alex, YOUR HUSBAND IS THE GAYEST WAD IN NYC. And you need to quit acting like a damn baby. The end.
Favorite Quote of the season: “I have a message for you Jill…….(interrupted cause no one cares) Jill, the message is……(inturrupted again cause, still, no one cares) Jill, the message that I need to give you is from Bethany (inturrupted about 7 more times, breaks out in hives, and after about 15 minutes gets to squeeze in) Bethany doesn’t want to have anything to do with you and never wants to see you again!”





Kelly, you dumb shit. You big dumb shit. You haven’t ever made sense to me, not once. You don’t really drink, you don’t really do a ton of back stabbing, yet you are the craziest one on this show. I hate you, Kelly.
Favorite Quote of the season: “Okay well, I guess I’m going to go back to my own little world of jelly beans and cartwheels where people are nice to each other” of which Ramona retorts “Okay honey we’ll see you in a little bit.”





LuAnn, you’re right, Money can’t buy you class. But it can pay for a producer to help you pen and record an awful song sans Autotune. It can also help you pay for sex reassignment surgery, and you’ve either had it, or you need it. One of the two. I kind of like you, wiener woman.
Best Quote of the season: Her opening line on every show, “I’ve never felt bad for being Privileged.” That’s why you’re privileged you fuckin’ dummy!





Sonja, nice DUI last week. You’re not that important yet until you go fulltime next season, so that’s all you get on my damn blog.

In closing, Jill Zerin, I love you Jill Zerin. Come back next season. I’ve only just found you, please don’t go away. Bethany won’t be back so there’s no reason to be upset. Until then, I’ll read your blog every day. And you need to take me out to lunch and shopping sometime. Bye hon!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Project $20

Stepping into an interesting challenge here for the next week that I’ll be christening as, “Project $20”. Yeah, you guessed it; I have $20 bucks in my wallet to last me for the next 7 days (counting today). I’ve survived on the whole “5 days on $20” before and ended up just fine, but we’re going for a new record this week I guess. Obviously staying home from KC last weekend still didn’t save me any greenbacks, after spending too much on shit that was a lot of fun, but I didn’t need. But, what will be will be. I’m all about seeing how far I can persevere as of late, whether it be at the gym, my appetite, smoking, living alone without freaking out, etc. etc. etc.

The pros are: I have enough food (even if it’s stuff I won’t want, it’ll be a way to get rid of it), all of my laundry is clean, my rent and cable are both in the clear so I don’t have to worry about no entertainment or no place to be entertained at, I have a date on Saturday who’s also pretty much low on the dough so at least I’ll have someone to be cheap with, I’ll be forced to be sober and smoke free for a week.

The cons are: I’ll be forced to be sober and smoke free for a week, my weekly transportation costs run about $8 bucks so really this could be called “Project $12”, my gym membership is due 3 days before I get paid, as well as my phone payment and I always feel like a moron when I go pay for things after the payment has initially been denied, and I know somewhere someone along the line is going to ask me to do something fun that I’ll have to turn down with some lame excuse.

But on the definite upside, I might be seeing a second job coming my way in the near future cocktailing and bar backing at my old bar. Besides inspiring me even further to get into “take off your shirt” mode, I’ll be working on Friday and Saturday nights-aka the nights I would be out spending money. Although it’s not a given, I still have people I’m friends with giving me a good reference and the bar manager is still in charge from when I was there and I left him in good terms. So, kind of excited and hopeful. I’m going in tonight to see what I can muster up.

So anyhoo kiddles, wish me luck with that and if any of you want to do something this weekend…….DON’T CALL ME! 

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

I love/hate Facebook

I’m having quite the love/hate relationship with my Facebook account as of late. Especially after this weekend. I love it for the fact that I’ve been able to re-connect with old friends, just like I did this weekend. But I also hate looking back at drunk posts that have been up for hours that everyone’s pretty much already seen, making it too late to delete, just like this weekend.

It’s not that I don’t realize that everyone that I friend can see my posts, for the most part I’m good with that. Yeah, maybe Aunt Tootie doesn’t want to hear me say the word “boner” and Cousin Kelly doesn’t want to hear about bodily functions that I think are funny. But for the most part, I think everyone knows the type of person that I am, and know that I’ve got some quirks and a really friggin’ weird sense of humor at times.

At one point this weekend one of my posts got a comment on how “vulgar” it was and “what has happened to me”. It must have been cause I used the word “cunt” in it, which I don’t particularly like either, but seriously give me a friggin’ break. If this shocks you that you would hear this come from me, then we obviously don’t know each other that well. And if you’re that prone to being offended by what I post, you have the power to change that. I talk like a 28 year old, albeit sometimes an immature one, but it’s my prerogative and I’m not going to apologize for it.

What does get embarrassing to me though are the public outbursts that I sometime think are appropriate to melt down over in front of everybody. But I think it should be realized that I’m still getting used to living on my own, and I’m not always used to not having constant interaction with another person. So I think sometimes I tend to go into tailspin mode either through Facebook Posts or massive texts when issues arise. Usually more often then not when I’ve had a few cocktails and not only do I sound completely neurotic or like I’m in pure crisis mode, totally freaking out. I have to admit, it’s really ridiculous to see. Sometimes it’s funny a couple of weeks later, but more often than not it just sounds like annoying faggot who’s begging for attention. And it probably is, ha ha.

Either way, I like my Social Networking Friends good enough, but it’s the flesh and blood friends that I really listen to in everyday life (and a handful of my blogger friends). SO, that being said, I don’t see my neurotic ass calming the hell down anytime soon, so feel free to delete me if you’ve had enough. No hard feelings. Later kids.

Friday, June 4, 2010

5 years



Had a friend send this to me a few weeks ago. She stole a pair of our friends' sunglasses and we all took turns passing them around all night taking pictures with them. It was taken at the bar I used to work at that frequently asked us to take our shirts off, and a time when I was able to. It's been good for the incentive part of my brain to start whiping itself into a frenzy for what I'm trying to do at the gym, but it also gives me a case of the "Gawd I'll never be able to look like that again" blues.

Take it this picture was 5 or 6 years ago, and I may or may not had an infatuation with certain things that keep you skinny, but dammit it's not even that clear or great of a picture but I'm already jealous of Jon at 22. There was a way better picture that I could have posted but that one made me feel way worse. Ha ha.

But it's all good. I have an idea of the body I'd like to have and it's not that of a cracked out twink.

I said I was going to write about the Memorial Day Picnic, but I'm feeling uninspired. It was Gay. It was a picnic. It was on Memorial Day. Looking forward to a good weekend ahead. Be good everyone and have lots of fun.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

The 100th Post

Wow, the one hundreth post, and it only took me 2 years to get here. Ha ha.

Well, Summertime 2010 is off to a really good start with the kick off of the Memorial Day Weekend last week. Why is it that the 4 day work weeks feel like they kick your ass a lot worse than the regular 5 day weeks? Oh yeah, prolly cause you've had 3 days of partying.

My weekend wasn't a complete tailspin and I kept myself from having "too much fun" until Monday. But I'm skipping ahead of myself. Stayed in on Friday night, as I knew it was going to be a long weekend. Truth be told, I fell asleep on the couch at 9pm. That's the beauty of the workout schedule I've been keeping. If I don't get to take a nap, I'm ready for bed by 10. And it's good deep regular R.E.M'd sleep.

Saturday night, however, I did step out. But not in the way I had intended. I was going to go to a Midnight screening of the Rocky Horror Picture Show, but that fell through. So at aboout 11:30 I headed off downtown not knowing for sure where I wanted to go. The Max had a line halfway down the block, there was no one in DC's, and I didn't feel like walking all the way down to Flixx just to be there for two cocktails before closing time. I halfway thought about getting a 6 pack and going back home, but thought the better of it and decided to go have a sit at DC's even though it was dead.

I slurrped down a few beers, paying more attention to my phone than to anyone else, when I realized that they had the basement open that night. I'd never been down there before, but from what I knew, you had to be in leather gear of some sorts to go down. They must have been lax on the rules, considering the turnout, regular clothed guys were going down. I was in an inner turmoil as to whether I wanted to go down there or not. I felt a little nervous about being alone and not knowing what to expect. Take it, I'm really far from prudish, but you can't really pic and choose what you want to be a witness to in some of those settings and there's no going back once you've seen them, lol. But I decided that it would be a little adventure, it's not like I was going to get raped and could leave whenever I wanted.

I walked down the stairs, glad I had a few beers in me for stabilization, paid the cover and walked in and took a look around. It was kind of dark, but I didn't see any medevil torture devices or hear screams of pain or anything like that, so I was ok. Right off the bat, before I ordered anything the bartender handed me a plastic cup. I looked at it like I didn't know how to use it until the bartender saw my confusion and carefully helped me evaluate that it was "a shot". Hoping that it wasn't roofied, I took my happy little shot, thankful that I didn't go straight into convulsions (cause I hear that's when they like to git' ya). Ordered another beer, took a minute to appreciate the lovely dvd they were screening, and then decided to walk around.

There were black plastic sheets hung from the ceiling in a back area that reminded me of a really cheap haunted house. So the curiousity got the best of me and I went to go peek my head in. Then a voice from behind me said, "If you go in there by yourself you're bound to get swarmed." I turned around and ended up being a guy that I had seen upstairs a bit back. We chatted a bit, introduced ourselves, did my whole "I've never been down here before, is it as crazy as they say!?" type of thing. So we ended up walking through the "haunted house" and it really turned out to be nothing other than what you could have seen 8 years ago on Queer As Folk. It was actually a little more modest than I thought it would be, but at the same time it didn't seem like anyone was too shy about anything. Ended up walking out of the maze and ending the rest of the night perched at the bar (imagine that). But, at least I don't have to really wonder anymore. Except for what busy nights are actually like down there, heh heh heh.

More on Monday's activities tomorrow.....I didn't realize this post was going to get so long!

Monday, May 24, 2010

They tried to make me go to rehab but I said No No No

My ex gets out of rehab today. Hope that it was a good experience and that he didn’t do it just to go through the motions. He’s actually a pretty cool guy, just a lot of bullshit thrown his way over the years. I can relate, and maybee that’s how we connected at a time. Haven’t seen him in 30 days, only talked to him a few times within that period, a couple phone calls and a few letters. A part of me misses him a bit, but for the most part I’m glad to have had a break from the Tom and Jon show. I don’t want to live the life we had anymore. Although, I miss my step-kids dearly. But I think that enough time has passed that they probably are over me not being around, don’t want to show up again out of the blue and reopen things. They know I love them, that’s all I need, really.


I’m a little nervous about today, Tom getting out and what he’s going to do. I don’t want to care anymore, but a part of me still does. After all that’s happened over the years, I shouldn’t. But I love being the glutton of my own punishment I guess. And I still love him in a lot of ways and really want to see the best in him again. I’ve been doing some radical changing myself though within the last month, physically and internally, to the point where I don’t think he’d know me anymore. And I think I did that on purpose. I guess I want to make him not love me anymore so I don’t feel so bad about my own feelings. I feel guilted, and don’t really deal with that very constructively.

Anyhow, that’s all I got for today. A little hopefull, a little sad, a little somthin’ I don’t know. Love ya guys.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Ole' Yeller Revisited



So I called my Dad for his birthday yesterday. For those of you who don't know, my parents are good ole down to earth country folk, living on the same small farm that I grew up on. Anyhow, going through our regular touchpoints when it comes to phone conversations between us two, we got on the subject of the farm animals. I think this was somewhere in between the weather and the goings on within the community. We got on the subjest of my longtime dog Chase. Chase is a black lab, husky,and rumored wolf mix that I picked out when I was still in grade school who now is a hard of hearing and seeing, arthitic old gal. So far she'd been getting along just fine, even with her ailments and had even been granted permission to become and inside outside farm dog. This is almost unheard of on the farm. But, I was told that she had stopped eating and was very very shaky when walking. I did my usual, "Oh well she's a good ole girl who's time is ticking down. Got to expect her to go one of these days." pretty much the standard response whenever the subject comes up. I know it's coming but I don't want to talk about it.

This morning I got an email from my Mom, saying that she was taking Chase to the vet, cause she looked like she had took a turn for the worst overnight. She told me that although we had an agreement that if Chase ever had to be put down, she would let me hurry up and make the 2+ hr trip up so that I could be the one to take her in, but me with my only mode of transportaion these days being my own two feet and a bicycle didn't fair likely. Things didn't sound good coming from my Mom's end as she pretty much told me to expect for my childhood friend to venture off to the great beyond this afternoon. Tears ensued and I had been sitting here at work all day whiping my eyes and sniffing snot up my nose. My world felt a little lonlier.

Well, about an hour ago, I got another email from my Mom with the subject line of "Good News". "Good News?" thinks me, "What, was it college intern day and they got to put her down for free?" Turns out the vet thought she looked really good for a dog her age and didn't want to put her to sleep. Of all things he tried acupuncture to help coax her appetite back and to relieve some of the arthitis in her hind legs. He also gave her a months worth of pain pills to try and see if that would help too. I guess while my Mom was writing to me, she started eating a bowl of food that was set out for her, her first in 5 days.

So, good news for me. Get to look forward to seeing my beloved pet at least once more the next time I get up there, which will be soon now. Only thing that sucks is I got a taste of what's to come when the time really arrives. But like usual, I'll just say, "Oh well she's a good ole girl who's time is ticking down. Got to expect her to go one of these days."

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Kelly Rowland - Commander



Here's another little gem that's about to be released. Pairing back up with David Guetta after last Summer's HUGE success of "When Love Takes Over" Beyonce2 is smartly delving back into the world of dance music. Michelle Williams is somewhere cutting herself.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Kylie Minogue - All The Lovers





The world's most heavenly angel is back with her brand new song. LOVE IT TO DEATH!

She uses her voice, it's not overshaddowed by the music, it's not digitally distorted robot voice, it's sweet soft Kylie voice. It hasn't been used to her advantage like this in a long time. I love the pianos, I love the electrobeats, somehow they don't clash. Whoever produced this did a really great job showcasing all of her best attributes.

Best part is, we get the album at the same time as our friends across the pond do for the first time ever. She usually releases her albums overseas months before releasing them in the US. July 6th is going to feel like a million years away. I really hope that it's a hit here. Looking forward to the remixes and dancing to this song all damn summer long. Very happy gay over here. :-)

The images are behind the scenes pics for the video shoot that took place last weekend in Los Angeles.



Thursday, May 6, 2010

LeT's GeT iNtO PhYsIcHaL!!!



So, I'm not a big fan of Glee. Not a hater, don't dislike it, just don't have the tingle in the weiner that a lot of us boys of a certain persuation have. Honestly, I'm kind of jealous about it as I love being obsessive compulsive over things of this nature. It's just lost on me, but that's ok.

I heard some rumblings last week that they might do a Kylie show, which is really the only thing that's perked my interest on the show. (somehow, even the mention of the Madonna episode was met with my new favorite response as of late, "Eh...") I had to tell someone, as I think it was one of those afternoons where I'd realized I hadn't talked to a living soul but the dog. So I texted my Gleek, JP.

"I can top that," texted he, "ONJ will be ON Glee this week singing Lets Get Physical with Sue Sylvester" So, I was impressed, and not just because JP said he could top something, so I decided I'd watch it this week if I was around. Somehow, JP already had the song downloaded from the episode and made sure that I heard it when I stopped by to pick him up at his place before going out for a drink. I liked it a lot and asked him to replay it. Once Tuesday came around, I got home from the gym (no kidding) and realized that not only was the show on, it was about halfway over with. I flipped the tv on, and not but a few minutes passed and the video was played.

#1. ONJ looks hot, even with plastic face.
#2. If I like anything about this show, it's Sue Sylvester.
#3. I wish there were guys like that at my gym.



Very entertaining, sexy, and good to see Ms. John back with some much wanted recognition stateside.

And speaking of gym, my endeavors are very slightly starting to take into minor effect. I hate how all some people talk about is the gym when they get into "that mode", and I admit, that's the mode that I'm in. So I'll be short about it. I feel like when I was a kid looking for my first ball hair swearing to God I could see one and feeling all manly. Only this time I swear I feel a little less blub in certain spots, a little more firmness in others, but deffinately a lot of soreness in places I'm not used to feeling sore. Only week two, changes are always small if you're really doing them the right way, so I hope I stick with what I'm doing cause if anything it's doing a lot for my state of mind and my attitude and behaviors. cause of it, the drinking has dropped off even more and I'm getting full 8 hrs of sleep at night from exhaustion.



The end!

Friday, April 23, 2010

Week In Revue



Archie comics will be introducing a gay character named, Kevin Keller, in September. I always thought Archie and Jughead were on the down-low with each other in the first place using Betty and Veronica as their beards, while Reggie was always such an asshole cause the boys would never throw him a bone. Principal Weatherbee is off somewhere licking his lips whilst maturbating.





I found out this week that Type O Negative's frontman Peter Steele died from resperatory failure. While not one of my favorite band's of my youth I did have to dig out my copy of Bloody Kisses to pay respects. Peter Steele posed for Playgirl back in the day, and I had thought of posting one of those pics in Memorandum, but felt it creepy looking at a naked dead guy, plus I don't pander to filth (yeah right). Google it if you want and it comes right up, literally.

In other news, I haven't drank in 6 days and my corner store filed for bankrupcy this week. I've been eating like a son of a bitch all week, but still losing weight, which leads me to believe that a.) what I have been drinking is drastically more saturated with sugar and b.) I drink a lot friggin more than I realize. Helping my friend Richard move this weekend but would like to end my streak of sobriety at least one night this weekend out on the town. So hit me up if your out peeps.

If the Golden Girls Were on Twitter

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Aphrodite




Excited as Little Richard at a picnic.

Friday, April 16, 2010

A week in Revue

A week in revue,

On Tuesday morning I found out that an old friend of mine lost 2 of her 4 children in a housefire the night before in my hometown. One of the 2 adults in the home had thrown out a cigarette on the front porch and it ended up rolling under the deck starting some debris on fire. It was really windy out, and once it started the wind basically pushed the fire directly into the house. She was able to get her youngest children out, ages 4 and 6, but could not get to her two oldest Devynn 8 and Sierra 10 who were sleeping on the second floor of the house. I used to watch these two when they were babys. Remember going to the hospital to meet Devynn the day he was born. I know my friend is going to be blaming herself for this for the rest of her life. My heart completely breaks for her and her family, she’s as devoted of a mother as they get.

Do me a favor guys, check your smoke alarms.

On a lighter note, seems that Washington on Thursday night released a statement by Obama instructing the Health and Human Services Department to draft rules requiring federally subsidized hospitals to grant all patients the right to designate people who can visit and consult with them at crucial moments. We’ve all heard horror stories of people’s loved ones dying alone because some places bar homosexual partners from visitation rights. Part of me is happy for this, but in all reality it pisses me off because 1.) something that fucking lame should never have been allowed to happen in the first place, and 2.) Glad that you could finally do something to throw the homosexual community a fucking bone, Obama. I’ve not ever been barred from a former lover’s hospital room in the past and I live in the damn Midwest. Guess something is better than nothing.




Found out today that the Smashing Pumpkins are getting ready to issue the first of 11, 4-song Eps starting next month. I think that this is a cool way of issuing music, as well as the fact that they are listing the full songs for free on the internet at http://www.smashingpumpkins.com/. By the end of the day, the first full EP will be available to download for free and both a cd and vynil version will be made available to independent record stores in May. A very cool way to help support the small music retailers still in existance. I’ll be heading down to Drastic Plastic tomorrow so I can Pre-order.



On a personal note, all has been going good for good ole’ Heat. Decided that I’m going to attempt at a month of seclusion, no drinking, hit up some therapy sessions, tan, and start working out like a maniac. Down 15 lbs from 3 months ago, so it's a start. Figured that would be a good attempt at getting some of my finer feelings back.

Be good kids, have a great weekend.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Clay Aiken Exclusive

Amid reports of Ricky Martin coming out of the closet last week, the editors and staff here at Heats Hotter Spot the Sequel's offices have been abuzz in a "What the Kevin Spacey!?" type of stupor. With the likes of Ricky Martin and Sean Haye's being the most recent in a string of waning C list celebrities to come out of the closet amidst once illustrious careers, we decided we needed a hard hitting interview with a veteran of the movement. So we went straight to the top. And when we say top, we mean big nelly bottom. Clay Aiken.

I sat down with Clay yesterday afternoon at an undisclosed location. I was blindfolded as I was driven to Mr. Aiken's secluded hideaway. Once my blindfold was removed, I was revealed to be in a softly candle lit room that faintly smelled of Elizabeth Taylor's "White Diamonds" fragrance. Hello Kitty paraphernalia was abound. I was alone in the room, sitting on one side of a fainting couch. Until, from the shadows emerged our reclusive star.....


AIKEN'S HEEEEERE!!!

Clay Aiken: Why hellos there, Mr. Heat's Hotter Spot the Sequel. I'm so glad that you could join me today. I hope you don't mind my appearence, well, me bein' in my bathrobe and all. I guess I just wanted to be comfortable so I would be able to....open up, so to say. Mind if I sit down here on the couch?

Me: Oh absolutely Mr. Aiken. Please get as comfortable as you need. The feathered collar of your bathrobe certainly brings out the, ah...fluffiness of your hair.

CA: Oh you scoundrel you! I bet you think your gonna sweet talk yourself right through all my secrets, dont you? Well, I've got more secrets than Victoria. You go on ahead and make yourself comfortable as well, go ahead and take your pants off if you'd like!

Me: Well, thank you very much, I think I'm good the way it is. Shall we begin?

CA: Does a chicken have a pecker?

Me:......?

CA: Oh C'mon now you know I'm just Joshin'! A little humour to get the juices flowin'. I like it juicy, do you Mr. Heat's Hotter Spot the Sequel?

Me: Please, call me Jon. First question, what is your recent take on the latest batch of celebrities to come out of the closet?

CA: Well, I'm just glad that I could be the first celebrity to ever come out of the closet. It wasn't easy being a trailblazer. But in time I think that my endeavors will open the door for more and more celebrities to share their true selves with the rest of the world.

Me: Did I hear you right? You said that you're the first celebrity to come out of the clost?

CA: Yes, the very first...

Me: How is that, there is a list of famous gay celebrities that have been out long before you were even a fixture in the media? How do you explain this?

CA: Well I can see that you need a better fact checker, Mr. Heat's Hotter Spot the Sequel!

Me: I said you can call me Jon.

CA: Next question......

Me: Ok, What is your stance on gay celebrities and adoption?

CA: Well, being a biological father myself, I can only hope that the rest of the celebrities that follow in my footsteps can play the role of the man to the tee that I do, for the sake of these kids. Everyone loves a mature and masculine daddy, but we arefew and far in between. Isn't that so true!? You want a popsicle? I have Bomb Pops? A whole freezer full in the cellar.

Me: No thanks.

CA: Are you sure? We can play "How far can you swallow it"!

Me: No, Ms. Lang....er, I mean Mr. Aiken.



CA: WHAT!?!? How very very dare you. It's Aiken...like one night with me and your ass will be Aiken.

Me: I am so very sorry, I accidentally slipped in the wrong note card for my next interview. Um, Mr. Aiken.... your bathrobe, it's slipped a little. Looks like Victoria's showing her secret.

CA: Oh it was no accident Mr. Heat's Hotter Spot the Sequel. I just wanted to give a little something for your....peice. Did you know that I'm a insatiable dick hungry cock monster?

Me: OK, Gayken, this interview is over. I'm gone.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Hoppity, Hop Hop

Well, Easter weekend has come and gone. I was going to go home to see my family, but my Mom ended up being scheduled at her new job over the weekend, so just said screw it and stayed home. I'm really glad that I did, because I had a lot of fun and got to catch up with a ton of people, some that I haven't seen for a while and then others that I love seeing given any opportunity.

Upon hearing that I wasn't coming home as planned, my baby mama Karissa decided that she would come down to visit me instead. We ended up taking her sister Kylie to my old bar Flixx for the Miss Flixx pageant. It was her first drag show and she was taking as many pictures as an Asian on vacation. (Don't you just love stereotypes?) She was even able to get an up close and personal shot with my former boss, Erica Joy, who in her typical fashion was wearing almost absolutely nothing. Where the penis is is anyone's guess. From there we did some marathon dancing at the Max until closing time. I started out the night feeling kind of "Blah" but ended up not wanting it to end at all.



Before Karissa left town the next day, we ended up stopping at Hooters for lunch, as neither of us had ever been there. I was slightly horrified until I got my wings as I needed to sopp up the previous night's beer consumption. We goofed on the waitresses, one of which who looked like she was pushing her Hooters expiration date and another with a Joan Jett circa '87 hair do. Kylie Minogue's Locomotion even came on, making me want to start a train right there. Which is ironic, as my friend Ray-Ray puts it as her music is being played at Hooters and she being a breast cancer survivor.

Anyhow, Karissa leaves, which actually bummed me out quite a bit. We don't get to see each other nearly as I'd like and walking back into the apartment by myself kind of gave me the blues after all that fun. Ended up staying in for the rest of Saturday working on some artwork for an insanely long time for what I'm used to putting in.

Easter was good, did the gay church thing and was invited to Easter dinner at my friendss Stan and Scott's place. It was a nice suprise and everything was so delicious. Especially dessert, I ended up having to have two helpings. Talk about double trouble. They definately know how to make a guest feel welcome. If you read this, thanks again guys.

While expecting a quiet and early night on the sofa, Miss Schwa texted wanting to head over to JP's for a few beers. After royally twisting my arm, I obliged for his sake. We all met up, and again, I started out feeling kind of "Blah" expecting to stick around for one or two once we got to the bar. But as these things usually go, ended up closing up the place. While I was able to fend of the shot monsters for the first round, I ended up with about four jeggar shots down when all was said and done. Amazingly enough, I wasn't a big sloppy mess (probaly all that good Easter dinner in my stomach yet), walked home without incident, got to bed and started it all over come 6 a.m. Was a very lovely weekend and I appreciate all involved. :-)

Cheers Kids: Karissa, Kylie, Paul, Chris, Alison, Sarah, Scott, Stan, Bean, Steve-o, Erica, Joshie poo, Philson, Courtney, Smay, Jonna, Dennis, Mikey

Thursday, April 1, 2010

April Fools

I just sent this email to my parents for April fools day. I always pull stuff on them, so I’m sure they’ve already got their armor on. Lets just hope this one sneaks under the wire……. (Thanks for being my unknowing/unwilling participants Kendra and Karissa)

To: Mom

From: Jon

Subject: Announcement from Jon.


Mom and Dad,

I have some very special news that I hope makes you happy. The Ellwanger family is going to be growing by 2. I'm going to be a real daddy!

You remember my lesbian friend Karissa? She's been down on her luck as of late, beings that she broke up with her partner and moved back to Nebraska from Denver. When she was with her partner, Kendra, we had always talked about having a kid between us three, with Karissa being the birthmother and me being the donor. They would have had full custody of the little one, and I would be involved anytime I was able. Their breakup obviously put a curb in these plans.

A few months ago Karissa and I had talked some more about this and decided to still make a go for it. I know it may be a little too much information, but we decided to forgo insemination and decided to try it the good old fashioned way to save on cost. After a few attempts, it happened. We just found out yesterday that not only are we having one child, but she's carrying twins! Dad, looks like I got your twin genes, lol. Hopefully they're identical, but either way, I'm still going to dress them up in matching little outfits.

Oh, by the way, if you forgot that today is April Fools day then good, that means I got ya. So quit grabbing at your chest. If you did remember and read right through this.....dammit.

Love you,

Jon



*******Update from Mother-Dear**********

YOU BIG TURD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We were just talking with Maria last night about your April Fool's day pranks! this, by far, is the biggest one you ever pulled off in your entire life! I am still laughing about how good you got me. Can't wait to show this to your Dad when he gets home. Hope I can keep a straight face so he will be pranked as well. You are so BAD! By the way, you know we would love and accept a grandchild from you with open arms no matter what.

I love you my crazy son,
Mom

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Tradio

As a kid, I remember my dad's company pick up truck only had an AM radio in it. I'd pal around with him a lot when he'd go out on calls on the weekend (he was the manager of a propane company). I'd bitch and moan about only being able to listen to farm reports and country music from the 70's from my hometown's station as we'd hit up all the different farm places that needed fuel.

Every once in a really great while I'll tune into the station online, just to hear whats going on in the town of Norfolk. They still have the same DJs and commercial jingles that they did 20 years ago when I was a kid. Either that or they're playing reruns over and over again. I can only usually listen for a few short minutes until I need to shut it off though.

I listened for a minute this morning, hearing how much corn, wheat, and cows were running (seriously, these reports might as well be in Arabic for as far as I can understand them). But then I hit the mother of all WJAG call in shows, "Tradio". I had forgotten all about this show until this morning and totally remember my Dad listening to it everyday.

The show is like craigslist for the radio. People call in with shit that they want to sell, or buy, or shit that they want to trade for other shit. It's all old farm people calling in, seriously. Some old coot called in today with parts to an international harvester. Another called in about firewood. Another had an old bathtub. But the oddest on was a guy calling in offering to sell 4 prom dresses for $25 dollars each. And the discriptions have gave of these lovely little numbers sounds like they came right out of 1986. The radio host joked that she'd never had a man call in hawking dresses before and that he did a good job. "Well my wife wrote it all down for me. I promise I didn't wear 'em." Yeah right, I can see it now. This queen in the country milking cows in a purple sequened dress with a bow on the back. "Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me...."

The show lasted all of 10 minutes and the host was astounded at the vast number of callers, 5. She even held back a couple of internet ads for tomorrow. I guess they don't want things getting too exciting all at once. Other than a tobogan that my Dad bought us for Christmas one year, I don't think he was into listening to it in order to find a steal. I think he just got a kick at the retardedness of it all like I do. Well, at least I know what time to tune in tomorrow. I might just find a bargain.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Weird Weekend

What a weird weekend. It was really good in a lot of places and terrible in others. Had a friend stop over on Friday night and drop off some movies for me, which is always right up my alley. BTW Zombieland is beyond awesome, wonder why I waited so long to watch it. Got up early on Saturday morning for a 9 a.m. haircut. Turns out my aquaintence/friend Jeremy was the one to cut my hair. Was nice to dish a little bit while getting trimmed up. Turns out there was a party that he was going to that night that another friend had invited me to, but there was also the Gay prom that night so I ended up having two options, which doesn't happen a whole lot.

On my walk back from getting my haircut, I stopped by the electric company so I could drop off my overdue bill, that I had placed in my back pocket, that had somehow worked it's way out and was no longer there. My heart sunk in dissapointment over the stupidity of it all, beings taht I had my man purse with me with my bill book in it that the bill should have been in in the first place. I finished the walk home defeated. I got through the door and immediately heard my work pager go off. I had printed my info on the envelope and some guy had found it. He said that he would drop it off for me once he left work. He found it not even a block away from my apt. I was relieved and offered to stop by and pick it up and give him a few bucks for being so nice. He said no thank you and that it would all come around at some point. I was floored.

The rest of the day didn't go so swell, as the ex made a campaign against me and flooded me with calls, voicemails, and texts nonstop for the remainder of the weekend. With the same old stuff about taking my dog, calling the cops on me for stuff in my apartment that he's claiming is his, blah blah blah. Went so far as to get the kids to start calling me leaving voicemails. I haven't talked or seen either of them for going on 2 months and it felt like a low blow. He can't take anything from me, and I know this, but I still let it intimidate me. I ended up laying low, staying home with copious amounts of vodka. Smart move. Spent the rest of the weekend being beligerent and angry. I gotta stop this pattern, it's ridiculous.

But anyhow, a sliver of light shown through yesterday as I ordered tickets for Lady Gaga. My best friend from highschool who I haven't seen in a few years is gonna go with, along with my Gaga fanatic ex boyfriend Richard. Very much looking forward. Hopefully she'll pull out her dick onstage ;-)

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Front and Center

Having announced last week that Lady Gaga plans on bringing her never ending Monster Ball tour back to the US and making a stop in Kansas City this August, I've found myself with the all familiar feeling of the absolute need to go. I generally don't go to shows a whole lot, but the shows that I do tend to go to are ones that are big, Star wise and production wise.

My last and most favorite show to date is obviously, Kylie, duh. The fact that the venue was so very small means that there wasn't a bad seat in the house, but being on the floor in front of the stage 20 ft. from my starlet was about as big of a mess in the pants dream come true that could ever happen for me. Standing for 3 hours, getting hot, sweaty, thristy, and bitchy before the show started was so worth it. By the time the curtains opened and the lasers and disco beats exploded as she decended from the ceiling on top of a big ole skull shapped disco ball, I was in awe. here's a clip of her opening from the same show I was at in San Fran at the Fox theater:



There were 5 gigantic screens on robotic arms pivoting around the stage with Miss K and all of her fantastic hot ass scantily clad male dancers (girl knows her crowd). She had special videos to accompany whatever song she was singing to, not THE video, but a special tour created backdrop. Here's one of my favorites:



Anyhow, I while I doubt the Gaga experience will raise such a clatter within my little gay soul, I do look forward to a fantastic show.

Tell me, what have some of your favorite concerts been?

Notable mentions for me are:
Janet
Cher
Rob Zombie
The Donnas
Ozzy
The Strokes
Juliet and the Licks

Till next time, Rock on killers......

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Scream 4



Well, Scream 4 officially got the greenlight yesterday as hold out Wes Craven finally signed on to direct. He'll be rejoining cast David arquette, Courtney cox Arquette, and Neve Campbell. Sounds like they're setting up offices in Michigan to start filming here very shortly due for a release in the springtime of 2011.

Never thought this would ever happen, especially with Courtney's reclaimed success with Cougartown. But I guess it's not like she was doing too shabby when she made the first 3 movies while being on that little show called "Friends". All the others just need money, and I'm sure Craven is really looking forward to at least one more hit before he retires/croaks. Although he does have a movie coming out this Halloween that looks promising. can't remember the name of it off the top of my head.

Anyhow, looking forward.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Monday Night Smackdown

So my apartment complex is pretty decent. My apartment itself rocks and is comfortable as any I've ever lived in. But with apartment life comes "the neighbors".

When I was shown the apartment, the leasing agent proudly exclaimed how since the walls were concrete, living there was almost completely quiet. She is pretty much correct for the most part. I can't hear the neighbors in the unit on top of mine walk around (on wood floors, nonetheless) and I've been known to be a little loud at times socializting into the night, but nothing holds a candle to my next door neighbors. The next door neighbors who's bedroom is right on the other side of the wall as my bedroom.

Now, the strange part about it is, I never see or hear hide nor hair of them ever at all, until 1 a.m. through 4 a.m. Tuesday mornings. To date, I've woken up to 5 arguments, always in this timeframe, always on the same day. The neighbor lady has the absolute most shrill screaming voice I have ever heard in my life. While some of the things they argue about are hysterical, the novelty has worn off and I'm thinking next Tuesday we're going to be filing a noise complaint.

Here are some of the Greatest Hits, as composed by The Neighbors:

I Let You Fuck My Ass and I get No Pleasure.

You're Drunk! Shut Up!

I Can't Help it, it's My OCD!

DON'T YOU EVER BE SARCASTIC!!!!!!! (followed by a loud crash)

And You Think It's Going To Be Different After We Have Kids.

You're Not Worth A Shit in Bed, You Can't Even Get Me Off.

You Never Listen To A Word I Say.

And many more!

I've always thought it was weird that it's always early Tuesday morning that this ALWAYS happens. But then I wonder if they're coming down off of whatever the hell the do over the weekend. The only face to face interaction, I've ever had with the "man" of the house is when he came over to ask if I smoke cigarretes in my bedroom cause he swears he can smell smoke through the concrete walls. I had to tell him No that I don't, but I can smell pot in our entryway whenever they spark up the bong and if they aren't sharing, to put a towel down in front of the door to keep the smell in like you had to do in highschool.

I look forward to see where this ends up, lol. :-)

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Operation Debt Free 2010

So with a lot of thinking going on this week, thinking about getting out of the current slump, I've been thinking long and hard on what past mistakes I've been making as a way to identify and keep away from these behaviors. The cool part about it is, I've come to realize that half of the problems I've been obsessing over, weren't really problems that belong directly to me. Putting all that stuff aside, I figured the best place to start is with my financial well being. The goal, to have my debt payed off by the age of 30, about a year and a half.

Been crunching some numbers and doing some balancing, while I really don't make gobs of money, I really don't have that many expenses either. Take it, I have a really nice impusle buying fetish to deal with, but for the most part I do live pretty cheap. I'm debating commiting to one of my past credit accounts that is offering me a substantial amount off if I lock into a $300 a month payment plan for 6 months. Seriously that's like a little over half of what the balance on the card is.

More than anything I guess it would be a great way to start my 30's out. Would rather clean up my 20's at the end of them rather than pay for them in my 30's. It feels good to make a plan and set up a goal for something. It feels like it's been a long time since I've done that. Here's hoping I stick with it.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

The Best Voicemail Ever...

After sending my phone number through a facebook message to my good friend, Dee/Damian/Nicole/Diva P or whatever we're going by this week, I received a call back. I did not answer said call, as I figured it was her/him (shim?) and knew that there would be at the very least, 2 hrs worth of conversation that I wasn't able to get started as my folks were coming to visit. Instead, I got the following VM:

"I normally don't leave messages. FUCK THAT SHIT. You see my shit on your caller ID, that's my shit. It's about fucking time you got a GAD DAMN PHOWN! Punch you in yo' shit. Well, you see my shit, on your shit. Call me back."

I've listened to it about 500 times, ha ha. Good to hear from my lil' sassyfrass.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Cox in your Box

My blog's been on a short vacation.... guess the fact that it's cold and there's nothing to do has a bit to do with it. This is that really gross time of year, and I swear to God it's recurring every year, when I just hibernate and don't really have anything to do with the outside world other than emailing, text messaging, and facebook posts...

Oh yeah, and before I move on. To those of you who view my facebook postings, I do have an excuse for some really bizzar status updates as of late....While I might be hibernating a lot, I do still get to the liquor store. :-)

But that's neither here nor there. And anyway, isn't that what FB is for?

So, being that it's inside time for this time of year, and I'm tired of making an ass out of myself on FB, I decided that I'd finally bite that bullet and order Cox cable. And oh what a difference it makes...

RuPaul's Drag Race, the Superbowl, Idol, Rachael Ray, Judge Judy, AMC and TCM movies, Family Guy, Two and a Half Men, Will and Grace, Intervention, Mythbusters, Biggest Loser, What Not to Wear, Flip This House, Diners Drive In's and Dives, Nip Tuck, Cartoon Network, Paula's Home Cooking, AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! IT'S ALIVE OOOHHHH IT'S ALIVE.

Right now I feel like I did when I was a kid, not being able to wait to get home from school cause some show was on that I didn't want to miss. Since then, I've really not been much of a television aficionado. I've never watched an episode of Lost, Survivor, CSI: anything, the Office, My name is Earl, etc. Not to say that I haven't had cable in any of my dwellings, I just haven't been the one to sign up and pay for it before now. I always thought it was a waste of money and it would make feel lazy because I should be doing something besides watching TV. Plus I had some idea in my head that it'd cost about a million bucks a month, forgetting that whenever I've seen a cable bill ever it's been bundled with internet and phone service.

So, with one more month of this shit looming on the horizon.....is there anything on right now that I should not miss?

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Anus, Slacks, and Casseroles

Sunday night I got to relive the past a little bit with a pretty good sized fraction of a group of friends that I used to hang out and party with just about every single weekend. We all used to frequent or work at “Club Joy” before it closed about 5 years ago. Since the club’s demise, a lot of people have moved, found other circles of friends, stopped going out, etc. For the most part, we’ve all kept up with each other, but for everyone to be in the same room will never be possible again. We made a pretty good attempt at it the other night though, for all of us that are still living here in the big O.

All in all there were about ten of us there, a mix of loyal patrons, drag queens, and staff who all met up at former owner, Eric’s apartment downtown. Cocktails, food, chit chatting, and old DVD’s of the N’JOY girls shows. It really was quite a good time, better than what I was expecting for not seeing a lot of these people in quite some time. Was worried that it might seem a little awkward. But, I had my girls JP and Schwa with me so I knew it would be worth going. I wasn’t wrong as while the three of us were walking from JP’s to Eric’s we had conversations about, but not limited to: Anus, Slacks, and Casseroles. You had to be there.

Watching some of the old drag performances really took me back. These girls were STARS to me at the time. Made me miss 2003 for a bit as it’s been a long time since I’ve seen anyone perform to ANY Cher remix or everyone’s favorite at the time “Girl From the Gutter”. Totally put me into a deep Thunderpuss K hole. Remembered being 22 again running my ass around the club, as a bar back. It was my favorite job ever, as I would have been there anyway, only I would have been spending money rather than making it. Meeting Porn stars, getting hit on by Chi Chi LaRue, running the spotlight at drag shows, helping Courtney bartend on the crazy ass busy nights, scooping people up off the floor, screaming at everyone to get the fuck out once it was closing time, finding tips on the dance floor that would fall from the performers hands cleavage or crotches, running around in my wet underwear at the foam parties. It was possibly the most fun of my life, as I think it was the very first time that I was totally free to my own devices and was very comfortably supporting myself.

Sounds like there will be a Joy BBQ in the works once the weather gets nicer. Looking forward to it, I’ve missed my old “family”.


Princess Schwa doing her Chi Chi Rodriguez pose

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Retard-a-polooza



I had taken off my baseball cap the other day upon my return to my apartment from walking back from the grocery store. My way too long hair looked really really goofy. So, like a homo, I played around with it in front of the mirror.

Looks just like Mr. Hugh Jackson if I do say so myself.....You in the back.....quit your damn laughing!

Friday, January 15, 2010

On a whim...

Not much coherency with this one kids (like there ever is), just some random thoughts to wrap up the week.

Started riding the bus to work this week. The route from my apartment is perfect. It's cheap to ride. It's nice to relax and let someone else do the driving after a mind numbing day in the cube of hell. The only thing that sucks is waiting for buses in between transfers and, let's face it, bus people are kind of weird.

Going out tonight with an old friend I've seen probably twice in the 9 years since we graduated from high school. She's bringing her girlfriend and she wants to go gay bar hoping. Will hate to see the disappointment in her eyes when she realizes that Omaha barely caters to the Lezbroz. Hoping the bars will be a fluke so that we don't somehow end up at "Connections".

Heidi Montag is a total Twat who came in on the Twat Train from Twat Town. That being said I listened to a few of her songs and like some. Feeling a little bit terrible about that one (the song Overdose in particular).

One sentence movie reviews of my redbox rentals of the last few weeks:

Watchmen: I liked all the big blue wang that was in it.

Orphan: Gave me the creeps and was grateful there wasn't an adolescent in sight.

Julie & Julia: Surprised I didn't eat while watching it.

Bruno: Just plain bad.

The Hangover: Not nearly as funny as I was expecting, disappointed.

Observe and Report: Didn't even want to see it but it busted my shit up harder than anything in a long time.

Paranormal Activity: Gave me a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach when it was over.

Inglorious Basterdz: Not a favorite from a director that I worship.

Terminator Salvation: One to watch again when not inebriated.



That's it. Everybody stay safe and have a kick ass weekend.