Wednesday, October 20, 2010

To all the kids

Having been a suicidal teenager over guilt with my emerging sexuality, the focus as of late has really brought a lot of shit back. Obviously, not only for me, but for a lot of people. I remember always having a plan to either run away as far as I could or else making a trip to the medicine cabinet in case my parents ever found out. Well they did find out when I was 16 and found a stack of printed out gay porn images that I got from my sister's internet connection earlier that summer. After having to burn them, and a confrontation where I basically told my mom that I would knock her fucking lights out if she didn't get out of my way and let me shut myself up in my room, I set my alarm for 3am so I could decide which one I was going to pursue. The alarm never went off and my Dad woke me up the next morning for school, and nothing was talked about again for the next 3 years. But I knew one your fucking step.

Teenage suicide has always been an epidemic of its own, although its ungodly with gay youth. I'm glad that its reached the point where it is as visable now, rather than just burying your kid because he was "too sad". But there are so many misunderstood kids out there, who are not gay, that drive themselves to take this drastic act for the same reason gay kids do. They're different. God forbid any kid can be different without being labeled as something negative.
Growm ups in general, gays included, forget what its really like to have this type of torment. Probably all because we are in a place that we all choose to be at this point. When you're growing up, there is no choice, you're stuck with where you're at. Just like people from 3rd world countries would give a nut to live in a place like Omaha, so do many kids that would like to get out of their torment but have no where to go.

Parents are wrong, religeon is wrong, teachers don't get paid enough to be right, so where the hell does that leave a kid who doesn't fit in? Alone. Are there more resources now than ever before, yes. But when a person can't reach out to a person of youth for fear of being labeled a sexual predator, those resources are as good as a screen name in a chatroom. One your parents can find out about or block all together. Its a sad day for kids when the resouces are there, but they can't be used as they are intended for.

Does it get better, absolutely. But when you're living a 4 year jail sentance that is high school, things can get pretty fucking drastic. If ever there was a time for the "moral majority" to get straight, its now. That is why these kids are dying. Their parents are too busy condemning them without any clue.

Change is in the air, and my fingers are crossed. God bless all the youth that get to this point that are never ever heard about. Happens every day, and its friggin sickening.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

tick, tick, tick

I saw my folks today, along with my sister and her family. Was a good afternoon, especially the fact that I was invited into my sister's home after almost a year of tension between us. All is over when it comes to all of that, and we can get along and talk and laugh kind of like we always have.

My Grandpa passed away two weeks ago, and we've all seen each other for the funeral. Life is calming down for my Mom, which was one of my major concerns. Me and my sister mending a rift is helping, I'm sure. And getting together on my neice's birthday was a nice change of pace for everyone since we got together under a fun circumstance.

My mom took me aside for a minute saying she had something for me as she pulled out her purse. I rolled my eyes, expecting that she was going to give me an early birthday presant to her cash strapped son, ready to oppose and refuse. Instead she pulled out a watch that my grandpa used to wear, as well as a ring that he made himself and wore. Kept my shit together, allowed my eyes to water up a bit, and gladly accepted.

I put them both on tonight and wonder how they looked on him. The watch is pretty generic, but it might as well be a Rollex to me, I don't even want to change the band on it. The ring is another story. I think its very beautiful, masculine, and the fact that he cut and shapped the stone (its literally a stone that he buffed down and cut) it means a lot.

I didn't go see Grandpa in the last year he was alive. Everyone in the world said that we might as well be the same person (save for the sexuality bit) and I don't feel bad for not being one of the last people to be around him. If we were so alike, I wouldn't want anyone around me, let alone all the people that were. I have no regrets there. I know its cool. But my momentos are priceless and I'm greatfull that I have them as reminders of part of him.

Take care G-pa, make sure I don't lose this stuff or ill never forgive myself, lol.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010


Just like the new season of Glee, I'm back. Either that or you can insert your herpes jokes here. Whirlwind of a summer, this bitch gets overwhelmed easily so a public break was in order as to keep a lil bit o' cooth. Here's a quick A.D.D rundown of the season:

Spent time with my buddies like never before. Never thought I could love them more than how I always loved them. JP and Shua, I love being the 3 Amigas again.

Yoga master. Had a moment with gym guy. Hot, chaste, over.

Lost my job, have been in a vicious cycle of interviews, faulse starts, and down right rejection. Temping during the day in the service industry, loving what I do again. Still DJing at my bar, looking forward to every Friday and Saturday night. Meeting new and exciting friends every week. Realizing that I'm a fun person to be around. Making new connections and earning respect through my work ethic every day.

Lady Gaga in KC was my highlight. She's around so much it gets annoying but the live show is where its at.

Met a boy I really care for and put my head in the place it needs to be. The big one, not smaller one.

Split up with said guy, but care for him knowing he did not a damn thing wrong, just didn't happen as planned.

Learned how to survive in hard times without depending on anyone else's help.

Granpa died. RIP gramps. We looked exactly alike and acted the same too, same attitude, stature, assholeness. Was harder on me than I thought it would be, but after a week of drunkeness I'm over it and know that I'm not the dead one.

Connected with someone that I can only explain as the most rejuvenating person I've ever run into by chance. I miss him when he's not around. And since I usually want all the space I can get, this is a wonderfully different feeling to me.

So that's the wrap up. Did it over my phone, so forgive the typos, if this even gets posted. I guess if you see this it worked.

Love you bitches....

Monday, July 19, 2010

Jack and Diane and a Lesbian Minogue

Source: NY Post July 16, 2010

The lesbian werewolf picture Jack and Diane has called upon singer/actress Kylie Minogue for a bit of a threesome.

According to the NY Post's sources, she'll play a "heavily tattooed lesbian" and join stars Juno Temple and Riley Keough.

The film concerns two girls who meet in New York City and become embroiled in a whirlwind love affair. Unfortunately, one of them is leaving the city soon and suffering visions of lycanthropy.

Bradley Rust Gray writes and directs.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Kylie, Behave!!!!!

Watch where you hold that mic Kylie, ahhhhhh!

Poor girl, she's so sweet and innocent with that joyful expression on her face with her new stuffed friend. Then I go and pander to a dirty minded suggestion of an unfortunate microphone placement. Forgive me Kylie, I couldnt help it.



Friday, July 9, 2010

The New Guy

Well, I met someone new over pride last weekend. Spent the past week getting to know him and have really enjoyed the time spent. I met him down on the riverfront after getting out of the parade and I was walking around looking at the pride booths and whatnot while waiting for my friends to show up. I was making my way to the beer tent when I was approached by this guy with the gay professionals neworking team and asked if I would wear one of their stickers. We chatted it up for a bit, as he put my sticker on my chest for me, and it was pretty obvious that there was some mutual attraction going on.

I left to continue exploring what was the faggiest weekend in Omaha, getting that beer from the beer tent and buying various rainbow themed things as somehow that crap really appeals to me on the one day a year. I ended up running into the “gay professional” guy again, this time him asking if I might have an extra drink ticket, as he was wanted to get a beer for his friend and himself but was short one. I liked this approach, and wonder even now if it was just a ploy to talk some more, which was perfectly fine by me. I walked with him back to the beer tent, introduced ourselves even further, talked a bit more, and ended up exchanging phone numbers.

Fast forward to a few days later and we’ve got a movie date set up at my place. We didn’t get to the movie, as we opened a bottle of wine and talk talk talked getting to know each other. Was pretty cool, there seems to be a lot that we have in common starting with being a couple of blue collar guys with two jobs each. We’re also artistic in our own rights, we both love to paint and he’s a fantastic photographer. He does a lot of community work and is always busy with something, which I find very attractive in a guy. He’s in his early 40’s, looks like he’s in his mid 30’s, very tall compared to me, maybee about 6’2, light complexion, brown eyes, very funny, and very kind, and I think really cute. Pretty different from anyone I’ve gone out with before, which is a good thing considering my track record.

So, going slow with this one, seeing what we would both want out of anything and see if they mesh well together. I feel pretty secure with him, don’t feel like theres any hidden agenda or that he’s putting up an act and will totally change in a month. Has a geniune personality and that’s pretty awesome to see in someone who you’ve only just met. Going to spend some more time this weekend and I’m looking forward to it.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Things accomplished over Pride/4th weekend

Drank an enormous amount of alcohol.
Was in the Pride parade.
Saw almost every single friend I have in Omaha.
Met a guy.
Went to jail for two hours.
Did lunch with my parents.
Bought a ridiculous pair of shoes.
Spent my rent money.
Agreed to taking in a Chihuahua.
Took everything left that belongs to my ex to the dumpster.
Passed the hell out with one of my besties.
Ate like a pig.
Made new friends.
Consumed more jello shots than one should ever be allowed.
Got sunburned.
Molested some random guy on the dancefloor.
Watched some pyro.
Made a date.
Flipped of protesters.
Overshared yet again on Facebook.
And that’s just what I remember. Hopefully I wasn’t too much of a shitty faggot to anyone :-)