Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Company emails

So, there's an administrator at the large office in which I work, that lives to send massive emails out to everyone in the company. Just nice little informationals or reminders. Well, this is what was sent out today:

Someone left a large tube of Triple Antibiotic Ointment in the Upper Level Men Restroom. Please come and claim this as soon as possible.

Thank you.

One after one, you could hear the snickers, the repulsive gagging, and the whoops and hollers from up and down the endless rows of cubicles. Most of the time this guy's lost and found emails include earings, gloves, or even at one point in time, a pen. Go figure, in an office.

Well, about 15 minutes later, I receive another email. This time from a guy I know that works down the hall, but rarely talk to other than a quick "howdy" as we pass each other in the hall (and no, we really don't say Howdy".

Someone left a large tube of Cock Lube in the Upper Level Men Restroom. Please come and claim this as soon as possible.

Thank you.


Come to find out, there's a bunch of employees that poke fun at every one of these emails this way. And now I know about it, which really only means that I now have another reason to get shitcanned if I ever get caught distributing these kinds of emails. I can't help it though. Here's one more for good measure:


The Fire Alarm is being taken out this afternoon to cut on cost.

And since we have crappy life insurance we don’t care if you all

burn up. In event that the Alarm sounds, please disregard and

stay in your death trap of a cube. You will not be advised if an

actual emergency condition exists.

And ehre I thought everyone who worked here was dead behind the eyes. There's life out there after all!


A Lewis said...

Sounds like there's no shortage of good times....
Now, where can I pick up my cock lube???

Anonymous said...

Just be careful, man. My guess is the guy that sent you the second email has already been put on a list somewhere.

Ray Ray said...

As long as you don't SEND any of those inappropriate emails, you'll be fine. But it's fun to be on the list, isn't it? Like high school all over again, Heather! p.s. the verification word for this comment is pnesses.

Minogue said...

I end up on stupid distribution lists all the time. Not so much lost and found stuff, but emails regarding things I know nothing about. There are generally a lot of people on these emails, and if they don't feel that the message pertains to them, they enjoy hitting reply to all, asking if they can be removed from the distribution list. This generally goes on for a few hours, hundreds of emails asking people wanting to be removed from the distribution list not to choose reply to all... blah blah blah...

One time, after hours of ridonkulous banter, someone got crafty and sent a picture of a red Swingline and asked if anyone had seen his stapler. I about fell out of my chair.